A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has had many female friends, yet I am his first girlfriend, he is 22. So, most of the problems we face are first timers and never happen again, he is very good about learning what not to do. This may seem odd to most other people, but when I took on the commitment with him, I had already thought that through. He's learning though.... but recently, there is just one problem we went through and I thought I was over it, it seems as if I'm not though, because I get sick to my stomach just thinking about it and get really aggravated.Basically there is a girl from my boyfriends past that we bumped into one night while at dinner with some friends, to which she kissed and hugged him before she realized that maybe his girlfriend was around, in a quick response my boyfriend immediately introduced me and she was friendly, however her handshake suggested otherwise. Later that evening he connected her to a girl he used to date.....and about two weeks after this awkward run in he mentioned she had sent him an e-mail asking to hang out and catch up. To which he considered and was going to plan.... until he realized that he was not being very reasonable with his idea. He would have never wanted me to do such a thing with someone i used to date and hook up with. He tried to calm things down explaining her but only found things like, "well her and i were really good friends, she hooked up with my best guy friend while he was in two relationships" not something one would want to say if they were trying to convince their girlfriend there was nothing to worry about. He told me he had no idea she was in town until we saw her that evening, to which... he either genuinely forgot, or lied... because his facebook states otherwise, he knew as early as the beginning of january, once i reminded him of this, he acted like he had no idea what i was talking about, so he immediately rushed on his facebook to look.... he said that he never responded to anything she left on his wall, which... was a lie and i called him out on it, once again his story flip flopped and he said, ohhhh i guess i was looking at the wrong comments.... not a chance, but i have given him the benefit of the doubt. I explained to him that its really interesting that suddenly this "Really good friend of his" comes around out of no where after 6 months and suddenly he finds it acceptable to go out for drinks with her, to "catch up."I was angry and distanced myself from him for the rest of that evening and the following day. I was hurt, because i felt like he lied..... he apologized and told me he understood blah blah blah and we decided to have a civil conversation about it all, and he still managed to make it seem like he really did not agree with how i felt about the situation, which bothers me, but i felt like i was getting over it.Today, while at work, bored out of my mind, now that i knew who this girl was.... i did the stupid "facebook stalking" thing, and to my surprise, they seemed much more closer than he lead me to believe, they were pretty crazy about each other, and now... I guess I just feel a little insane, yet hurt at the same time...He always wants me to tell him/reassure him nothing will happen when I'm with other guys and that I've never hooked up with them, he does not do the same for me.... never.We haven't dropped the "L" bombs yet, I feel like he's probably ready, but I am pretty sure I'm not with all this crazy stuff going on, I care for him deeply, but it just makes me sick to my stomach to think about this, am I thinking way to much into this, or what?Is it time to call this relationship quits.... or do i keep going and holding on for the ride of my life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): i would just call it quits because when the road of a relationship gets bumpy its time to turn around and find another road.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do see potential in our relationship, I don't really think he would ever cheat on me. I'm not worried about that, but I feel like sometimes he just doesn't really get the common sense of a relationship.
I don't know to the extent of their communication now, I commended him for telling me she e-mailed him, however I just don't think he gets why or how I could even be a tad bit upset.
He has a hard time seeing things from my position and usually forgets to even try doing that, because when the situation is reversed he just isn't very pleasant.
There are also other things that happen like, girls calling him dear, dearling, hunni, with all those extra stars and xoxox added to them and he really see's no problem with that, but he has made it a point to tell me he does not appreciate it when other individuals refer to me as sweetheart, baby, hunni, or anything like that. Even the flirty stuff I know it gets to him.
He acts so naive to all of this, and in a way I think its genuine, but on the other hand, the lying and the flip flopping are just like maybe hes just really good at playing games.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): hmmm good words - ride of your life at 18-21...well at least all other rides will be easier afterwards.
well i think he actually wants her. so walk away. you could say to him look all this stuff....her or me. take your choice.
i think you should think if its worth it - trust is important...
Star.x.
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A
male
reader, Luaris +, writes (20 March 2009):
 Neither of us can say what has happened in the past (recently or otherwise), but he most definitely has lied to you. Maybe hes doing this because something is going on? but at the same time maybe nothing's going on and he only lies so you dont go crazy over nothing? again only they know. But he has 100% lied to you about things and that is a problem in itself I suggest you break things off with him so you can see where his feelings are. If he pursues you then after a while go back, if he goes to the other girl and stops seeing you at least it was on your own terms.
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