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Is it time to leave this unhappy marriage?

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Question - (5 July 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 6 July 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am unhappily married with two children to a man who is physically and verbally abusive who also has a drug addiction that he can't kick. We get along sometimes, but he treats me like I'm his child and makes comments about my parenting. He won't seek counsel for his habbit because he thinks that he can kick his habbit on his own. He also feels that I need to change in order to get a certain response from him. One day we may actually be in love, and the next he wants to hurt me for makeing a mistake. Wouldn't you say that I needed to leave him even though we have two very young children together?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009):

touch touch feel feel pinch...yah I am still human.

Addiction to anything is bad...if it is a ball game or computer game or drugs effect is the same as me myself lazy bum glued to my seat.

Some how knew all female on this forum will be supporting the axed method more (teasing ya all) joking...

It is sad, you (takes deep breath) come to love something, you come to work it out, you give it all, good years, bad years and then it all comes to end. From my own personal experience life is not that simple and we often dont really get what we expect from our life. I am favor of you leaving him if he is abusive, and awful to you, but if he is into something he need lots of support to get out if with, then you are leaving him on a half path.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009):

If you can't leave him for yourself, do so for the sake of your children! Kids learn how to act and behave from their primary caretakers, so right now they are learning to become abusive addicts...is that what you want them to grow up and be?

You deserve better than this treatment and there are very few people that can quit an addiction all on their own. He is a prime example...if he can quit on his own, he would have already done so.

Make a plan for your escape and then execute this plan. Do not see him again for at least 6 months, this is the minimum amount of time that it will take you to start feeling better about the split. Before then, you will be at risk for making up and getting back together with him. Do not start a new relationship for at least a year, or you will end up with someone very much like him.

Best of luck to you, I sincerely hope you do leave.

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A female reader, iloveyhoo United Kingdom +, writes (5 July 2009):

iloveyhoo agony auntpersonally,yes you should leave him. this isn't quite right and even thought you hvae 2 children you need to leave, you can sort something out with the kids, like they can see him every weekend or so. but this addiction will come worse. and eventually it's going to be harder to get out of this situation. do something about this now or you will live for a long time with regret. good luck and best wishes x

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A female reader, misswalston United States +, writes (5 July 2009):

misswalston agony auntYes, I would say that it is time to leave. I am a 42 year old mother of 2. I have a 22 year old and a 3year old by my husband. Today makes 7 years that I have been with my husband and he is still using drugs!!!!!! I am getting a divorce because I should have left him a long time ago. Bottom line is that they enjoy using drugs because there are too many places you can go to get help. Addicts make every excuse in the world to not get help. I have had enough and I am assuming that you have had enough also. Even though I have more years invested, the situation is still the same. If your husband insists on using drugs, then I strongly suggest you get out of your marriage. Dont' wait as long as I did because one day you will wake up and it will be 10 years instead of 2!!!!!!!!Good luck.........

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