A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. Things started brilliantly then an unusual work situation had us more focused on how I would deal with it from day-to-day. I had a really malicious boss whose main objective was to ensure I left the company. Anyway, we took alot out of the relationship which was really only just beginning. Long story short..... we are still have a great time together. We love each other and care alot for each other. But we haven't been physically intimate for awhile now. He says it's because things have changed, but he doesn't know what it is. He is unsure what to do with this relationship. He doesn't know if we should move ahead so he is holding back. We've had several conversations in the last 6 months and each time we landed with let's work on it. We connect on so many levels - we share the same principles and values in life. We appreciate each other's company -we always have a good time. Of late whenever I am late meeting with him or I am going out, he keeps saying that I am going out with my other boyfriend - in a joking fashion. But he's never done that before. He still has doubts but he still says he loves me. He is not the sort that will do that if he isn't. I don't really know what to do. Should I just walk away? I'm exhausted - emotionally from thinking about this. I have been taking the 'chilled out ' approach lately. Meaning, not over thinking things or initiating heavy conversations. But simply relax and enjoy the moment for what it is and let time tell. But the reality is that he is still unable to let his guard down and give this relationship a good go - am I just dragging this out now? Should I suggest we walk away? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 February 2008):
 Sorry girls, I beg to differ. I'm afraid a "break" wouldn't solve anything.
First, a "break" is, in itself, very ambiguous. Why do people ask for breaks? Do they really just want some time off to think, or is it because they want to dump you "nicely"? I don't have any statistics (and I don't think no one has them, either), but I'm sure no one will dispute that the "let's take a break" line is only too often a break up in disguise. He will know this. And then, if he's honestly confused about you, and is "jokingly" suggesting that you have someone else, a break is the unimprovable way to make things a hell of a hell of a hell of a lot more complicated. I think that asking for a break is never ever a good idea, but in your case it is the worst you could do. It would be even worse than breaking up, because break ups at least have the virtue of being FACTS. You need solid ground, not uncertainties. Your problem is that he is being vague and ambiguous, and I don't think it would help if you added your own share of vagueness and ambiguousness.
What would a break solve, anyways? I don't think it would help him realize how much he misses you or he loves you. He would focus on why the hell you're asking for a break.
I'm a pessimistic in one sense: I tend to believe that, when a person has doubts about a relationship, then it's unlikely that things will work out.
It would be jolly good if you described what it is that your boss did to have you fired, as it seems to be the key to your boyfriend's change of heart. Can you tell us what happened?
I'm not a mind reader, but I think your boyfriend has a strong suspicion that you had something with your boss, but, without "evidence" of it, he doesn't know what to do. I'm not saying you did have something with your boss. I know what it is like when someone has it against you. But I think this is the key.
A
female
reader, lilmisse2424 +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Giving yourself a temporary separation may do you some good. That way he can really think things over as well as you. It is time that you may need a small break. It may help the two of you out. Hope this helps you
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Are you happy or are you in pain?
Maybe, you could suggest a time out or a temporary separation to cool things down.
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