A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 and im gay, but i'm also a virgin, i've never really been in a real relationship, which seems weird because if you saw and knew me you would've never guessed. but everytime i try to pursue a relationship with another female, when i tell them i'm a virgin. they kinda get a lil thrown off by that. is it a turn off? to me, just because i never DID IT doesn't mean i would be bad in sex or anything. and a lot of my other gay friends tease me about it, whats the deal? is it that bad to be a virgin, and why is it such a big deal? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (23 July 2010):
 It's not bad at all to be a virgin. I recently lost my virginity and I'm almost 27! Never be ashamed by being a virgin. When you want to lose it, it has to be with the person you can picture spending your life with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): Just because you've never had sex doesn't mean you're any worse at it, going into it. Some people have had sex many times and still act like they've had no experience at all. Try not to let it bother you when people you ask out frown apon the fact that you're a virgin. Alot of them have thrown at least some of their morals out by having sex, and you've kept all of yours, so far. You have that to look up to, in yourself.
Just like some people wait until they feel they're with "the one" to lose their virginity, in the same regard, some people don't want to be "the one" whom someone lost their virginity to. Alot of people are hesitant about that, just like some are hesitant to say "I love you". They don't want to give too serious an impression in case things don't work out one day, and if you just met them or just started dating them, chances are they'll feel that way for that reason.
Once you've been with someone for quite awhile, and they feel really sure and serious about you, their reaction and defenses will change about you possibly losing your virginity to them. You most likely will come across one, if you keep dating, who won't mind at all to have sex with you on your first time, where you lose your virginity. It will be your choice at those times whether you want to remain a virgin or not. Until then, don't let the ones who seem thrown off by it ruin your days, since they just don't want to move too fast and make you think they want serious commitment and a long term future with you, possibly tricking you. They just don't want to have that possible scenario or outcome of hurting or deceiving you, once you've lost your virginity to them, because they may have left you afterwards, and you end up regretting letting them be the first one.
Those ones who seem the most weary of that are most likely thinking the most about you and your feelings, over those who just wouldn't care who you lost your virginity to, if you tell them you're a virgin and you'd like to date them.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 It isn't a big deal really, especially if you're 17. People use sex as an excuse to boast and make themselves feel good when they don't have much else to feel good about. Then when they boast other people feel pressured to do it too. Some people lie and boast about having sex because actually they're a virgin and are too embarrassed to admit it.
To some people, taking someone's virginity is a big deal. Like, if they believe it should be something really special, then they won't take it if they don't feel they truly love the person who would be losing it to them. I guess maybe some people find it a turn off but it's not a common thing. Also if you're a virgin and don't know what it is you like, then if you don't enjoy your first time, you might think it's because the other person isn't very good, and people don't want the virgin thinking that they are bad at sex when really it was the virgin not knowing or saying what it is that they like that made it bad. If you enter a really serious relationship, give it some time, if the person stays with you for a while then they probably really love you, and would probably love to take your virginity =]
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 I know what you mean. I guess people back away from virgins because they think you might be saving yourself or have high standards or are picky. How about you word yourself differently? When you are about to enter a relationship with a girl, don't tell her you are a virgin. Unless she asks, don't lie, but you can say that you don't feel comfortable discussing such intimate things when she is not your girlfriend. Then when you have the opportunity, or feel ready, move in for it, and then explain that you are a virgin, but that you want to do your first time with (insert name of girl). If you word yourself correctly they should be flattered, not backing away.
Virgins are often quite naive, and I guess that is why your friends tease you. Why not try to not loose your virginity, but experiment with oral sex and toys first? Then move on to having full blown sex a little later on? That was you will gain more experience and not be naive.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 July 2010):
 Probably fear. It is not bad to be a virgin. It can be very intimidating to be someone's first.
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