A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been a husband for almost 5 years now. My wife and I fight all the time. I wanted to get advice for the most recent reason she got mad at me. My sister just had a baby a few weeks ago and has been sending me a text message with a picture of the baby almost every day. I pretty much look at them and smile and occasionally write back with something like "good pic". I don't really mention it to my wife, unless she is standing there beside me when I get the text and she asks me what the text was, then I show her. BTW my wife does not approve of my sister's lifestyle and choices in life. My sister has made some bad decisions and doesn't take the best care of herself. So... yesterday I get a text message again with a pic. My wife is there so I show her the pic of my sister's baby. That's pretty much it. Today my wife is upset that I get these text message pictures so often. She doesn't like it and says it's an example of how I don't put her first. She says that I have no boundaries with other people and this is an example. So I didn't think this was a big deal, but maybe I'm wrong here. Is this bad that I get these frequent pictures? Should I tell my sister not to send them so often? Would appreciate any non-bias third party advice here in case there is something I'm missing.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (26 June 2011):
 in spite of what you say i STILL think she is jealous, not of your sisters life but of the attention that your sister gets from you, even just by looking at a picture message from her. she moans about you watching too much tv? (1 - 3 hours per night is not excessive by the way) again this is something that takes your attention away from her and she does not like it! if you are not watching tv, what would she prefer you to do? and she tells you to lose weight and do more around the house? sorry but she sounds like she is henpecking you. maybe you are lazy around the house, i don't know, but if you are working 40 - 50 hours a week and she is only working part time then it is only right that you should do a much smaller share of the house work than she does. your wife clearly wants to 'wear the pants' in your relationship
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): wow. Thank you for all the responses. I appreciate all your thoughts and advice. To answer some of your questions:
-I wouldn't say she is jealous at all. She has made it clear that she does not approve of her decisions in life and especially the person she is with (the father = criminal record). So she really doesn't want them in her life or influencing her child if she has one. I can understand that i guess. But it's hard b/c it is my sister who I care about.
-No of course this isn't the only thing she is upset with me about... other relatives and friends, spending more time with her, helping around the house, losing weight, watching less TV. In my defense we take frequent day trips by ourselves (although I admit I would enjoy the company of friends there). We also just got back two weeks ago from a nice week-long vacation, just us two. She normally works a part time job, but has mostly been off for the summer and I am gone 40-50 hours per week. I'm pretty tired and would really like like an hour to rest when I get home, and it seems like she should have time during the day/week to get things done around the house. But yes I know I need to do more and perhaps I take for granted what all is needed to keep a house clean? However after 2 wks of her not being able to clean the house, I am off for 1 day and was able to clean the living room, kitchen, dining room, and bathroom before all before 2pm.
-I'm definitely not perfect. I have close friends that are girls and I understand that probably is bad even if it is definitely just friendship. I do like hanging out with my friends way more than she does. I do like watch TV... 1-3 hours at night about 5 nights per week. Is that a lot? And I like it as background noise... I know many people hate that. I really like to watch movies. She doesn't want TV to be a big part of our lives. Me neither, but I guess "a big part" to her is different than to me. I need to lose more weight. I have been doing well working out and running this past month 3-5x per wk.
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A
female
reader, svf  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 Your wife is extreme in her jealousy and dislike of your sister. All new parents are known for sending photo's and 'boring' their friends, let alone their family, stupid for... hmm... let me see... the next 12 months? Don't worry, it will back off by the time your nephew hit's 2! It seems that your wife is a control freak, and you are going to start finding that 'this' has to be changed and then 'that' has to be cut off from your life... the list will prove endless, and she will never be happy unless she is picking another fight with you.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 June 2011):
your wife is wrong. you are right.
she sounds a very jealous and insecure person.
? jealous of your sister (complains about her lifestyle choice)
? jealous that your sister has a baby. is your wife feeling broody by any chance?
? jealous of your sister (and i am GUESSING anyone else) contacting you and gaining your attention away from her
all new parents get snap happy, i think i had a camera permanently in my hand when my son was a little baby! but the novelty does wear off so your sisters picture messages will become less frequent as time goes on.
in the meantime, don't be bullied by your wife over this. she is the one with the problem not you
x
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (23 June 2011):
 I think your wife is irrational at being upset at your sister.
She had a baby and is proud to share her with her UNCLE.
Your wife does not have to agree with her choices or lifestyle and YOU have a relationship with your sister or the baby is not a competition with your wife.
I think there is something deeper going on. Is she normally insecure? Do you have children of your own?
The only other time I heard of a woman being THAT upset in a similiar situation was because she and her husband had fertility issues (were trying to have their own baby for years) and someone she really disliked had an unplanned pregnancy and felt she was unworthy of Motherhood. Jealousy reared its ugly head.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 You need to talk to your wife and get to the bottom of this, because this isn't right. She has no reason to be upset with you, and it is not an example of you not putting her first that you get these messages and pictures. That one is obvious. What is less clear is why she reacts the way she does to seemingly harmless things.
Women often are worried or troubled by something quite different, and then use the closest excuse as a scape goat. Just to let some of the frustration out. My money is on this having nothing at all to do with the pictures, your sister, or the baby, and everything to do with something else that is bothering her. Something she can't find any other way to communicate to you is an issue. Talk to her. Get to the bottom of it. Often, all a woman needs is to be heard and be allowed to rant and talk about it. It might be that is all she needs from you, for you to sit and listen.
Many men want to find a solution as soon as they hear of a problem, but often, the solution is to simply listen. Talk to her and listen to what is truly bothering her, because it isn't about the pictures and the baby at all.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (23 June 2011):
 Your wife is being petty and jealous, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that your sister sends a picture of her son each day. After all, he's your nephew. Your wife needs to understand that not every waking second you have will be spent paying attention to her. I highly doubt a minute or two spent looking at the picture and sending a reply is your way of not putting your wife first, this is solely her issue. You haven't done anything wrong, but there's definitely an underlying issue. My guess is it's a combination of insecurity and jealousy, either in general or towards your sister in particular, and this is simply the way it's coming out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): Your wife has a problem. I don't know what it is, but she has a problem. She is jealous in the simplest terms. There is nothing wrong with your sister sending pictures of her child to you. Does your wife do stuff like this all the time? If she does when she says something next time say "look here, my sister had a baby and I'm looking at some pictures. If you have a problem with that take it up with someone else because you're acting ridiculous."
Stand your ground with stuff like that. Your wife needs an attitude adjustment. If you don't set her petty arguments straight she will never stop.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 June 2011):
 I'm sorry but what the hell is your wife's problem? Why would anyone complain that your sister is sending you pictures of her kid?
Sounds like your wife is just trying to pick an argument over anything. Just tell her to back off, she's a member of your family and sending you pictures of your nephew, it's not affecting her in any way, shape or form and she needs to drop this petty dispute.
Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): She is jealous of the relationship you and your sister share,blood is thicker than water
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