A
female
age
51-59,
*erry795
writes:I got divorced bought a house. My bf got divorced lived at his moms then I asked him 2 move in when I made the decision that my kids were to live w\their dad. My bf helped me with my house since I first bought it....he helps around house..gets dinner and groceries once in a while and fixes things....he doesn't pay me anything. Should I ask him for $200\month? He knows he can live at moms 4 free. He also filled my garage w\his tools and keeps his racecar in my driveway...he has 2 pay lots 4 child support and maintenence and pays college for his 2 kids also...he has given me some money in past...best thing is his brother he works 4 pays for a car.gas cellphone...so he has no other bills..we have dated for 3 yrs...his sister was my best friend for 20 yrs...he has lived here almost 2 yrs...he's a good man and treats me well. Is it silly i ask 4 money every month i thought he would just give it especially that he knows I struggle with bills..i work full time also.
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female
reader, berry795 +, writes (1 March 2013):
berry795 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate ....so he gave me $$ for the past 2 months without me asking 4help...hope it continues...thanx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): No it's not silly at all. When you agree to live with someone it should be a partnership. One should not carry the other or as you say it will lead to resentment. I actually dont think that asking him to pay rent is too much either. He is a grown man and should be happy to pay his way to live with the woman he loves. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, berry795 +, writes (7 January 2013):
berry795 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes thank you I thought so...i have spoken about to him in past but clearly he needs to sit down and ask for something...I have to pay child support and hold this house. He makes good money also. I am starting to resent him..the talk is due...i have to put on my big girl pants and do it...i will post my outcome..
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (7 January 2013):
 I wonder what I would do in the same situation. If I invited a partner to live in my home, and one who fixes things, I wouldn't expect them to pay rent but I would ask them to contribute towards gas/electric/water/food and the phone bill if they were using it.
The house ultimately belongs to you and it's yours to pay for but him fixing stuff must save you a fair bit of money and is very convienient.
You know he is in a tight spot with his finances but a regular contribution to the utilities for which he uses is not unfair.
Maybe have a chat to him about working out a houshold budget which suits you both would help to establish some ground rules (probably would have been easier before he moved in, but then again, he may have chosen to stay with mum...but nobody can live for free)
If you don't get something set up, you are only going to resent it in the long run and that will mar the relationship. If he chooses to move out, then that's up to him, but at least you won't be shouldering his costs.
I don't think you are being silly...on the contrary, you are being sensible. Fuel and food costs are set to rise this year and what seems like a cosy arrangement can turn quickly into a financial burden.
Make him pay his way (excluding rent)because nobody should live off someone else because their finances are a mess.
It will test the relationship, but so will allowing him to freeload off you...it's Hobson's choice!! take it or leave it.
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