A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok so for a while now I've liked one of my guy friends, I've been sort of hoping it would go away but it hasn't. The thing is now he has a girlfriend and I'm scared I've missed my chance to tell him how I feel because next year we won't see each other at school and stuff because we'll be at different universities. My question is it selfish to now tell him my feelings with the safety net that i would never have to see him face to face ever again and that since he has a girlfriend I'm not sure there would be a good results even if he did dump her for me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2015): Gosh, I hope I’m not too late jumping in here. To begin, I think we should all lighten-up a bit and give our girl a bit of hope. Certainly if the guy and the other gal are in a committed relationship, and especially if they are sleeping together, then yes the right thing to do would be to say nothing, have a good cry over the one that got away, suck it up, move on and gosh, start looking forward to playing the field again when you’re back at university. Oh, to be young again!But what if he has just a very casual relationship with the girlfriend, and maybe hasn’t even got to first base with her? Gosh, then I think we’ve got a different ball game. I don’t think there’s any rule against girls competing a little bit!But before entering the competition, our girl must ask herself, “If I had the opportunity, would I really, really want to have a long distance relationship with him when we go our separate ways to university. If the answer is, “Aw, maybe not,” then we are at the same place – stay with plan A, above. But if our girl gives an unequivocal, “Yes”, to this question, then I say it’s game on! So what’s the game plan? Certainly do not start by telling him ‘how you feel’. Time is short. Our gal must take the initiative. What’s wrong with a gal calling a friend and asking him to do things that friends do (not a official “date”). For example, “Hey John, let’s go get an ice cream cone.” Or maybe, “John let’s go swimming on Saturday,” or “Let’s grab a burger and have lunch in the park.” Of course our gal will be looking good in her best summer dress or new bikini. She will be the most attentive girl he has ever met, will be slightly flirtatious, will respond to any advances, but will certainly not be a pushover. John may say, “Whoa! Where’s this coming from?” Well that’s easy, you know, come the fall you’ll be heading in different directions. So if you are serious you have to take the bull by the horns and make the first move – it’s gonna take some guts. The first time you get him somewhere, do not part until you have arranged your next event with him, and likewise at the next. So you must have ideas planned in advance. I bet that after your second or third ‘meeting’ that he will start calling you. Well, I think you can take the plan from here. (I implore you to use the old fashion telephone to contact him rather than texting. There is too much room for misunderstanding with texts, and talking will give you a much better idea where he is coming from. And if he says “Sorry I can’t do it tonight”, you can come right back with, “How about tomorrow?”) Just one more parting comment. If you really think it is worth the risk, make that first call even if everyone thinks John and the GF are really tight. Who knows for sure? Maybe they really are not. Only John really knows. If you can get John alone on any strictly innocent pretence you may get a pretty good idea what is going on. And who knows, maybe he will reveal that he is not entirely happy with the situation. Either way, you will innocently part with, “Well I’ll look forward to seeing you again at Xmas, or next summer. Goodbye.” Let the dust settle before making any moves…Hoping it all works out for you…
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2015): Tell him if you don't mind the fact that you might not have him in your life any more afterwards. It's a risk and you need to decide whether it's worth taking.
If he did dump his girlfriend for you that would be his decision, not yours, and in that situation I don't believe anyone else but him should feel guilty. Don't listen to people expecting you to take the "blame".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2015): It is very selfish and inconsiderate to expect someone to dump someone for you. How would you feel if someone dumped you for somebody else? What kind of guy would he be, if he would hurt someone like that?
If he has a girlfriend, your feelings about him are irrelevant. You have a crush, but he has a girlfriend which is a commitment he must honor and cherish.
Things that play-out in your mind, don't always play-out as well in reality. Enjoy the fantasy and start teaching your mind to let him go. When it ever crosses your mind to tell guys who have girlfriends how you feel about them; place yourself in their girlfriend's shoes, and think about what you would want your boyfriend to do.
If he could so easily dump his girlfriend for you, he could just as easily dump you when the next girl comes along.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 August 2015):
 I DO think it's selfish and servers no other purpose than for you to tell him.
He HAS a GF. You won't see him any more after the summer.
What's the point?
So you like him, you have a crush... What is telling him going to change? You are not going to like him less. He is not going to like you more. You may think he he knew, he would dump his GF for you..... You think HE cares so little for her?
I think telling someone who is unavailable that you have a crush on them is a little underhanded. Because really what are they supposed to do with that information other than feel awkward?
Sorry, I DO not think telling him is the RIGHT thing to do.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (15 August 2015):
Maybe not selfish, but pointless. He has a girlfriend so this could really backfire on you and threaten your friendship, and if nothing can come of it because you’ll be separated soon, I can’t see what either of you would gain from him knowing. Best to let it go and move on I think.
I wish you all the very best.
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