A
female
age
36-40,
*xplisit
writes:Here's the scenario: Before my friend Vicky's birthday, she went clubbing with my ex and one of my ex's friends. My ex and I had a really bad break up and she knew that he hurt me pretty bad by cheating on me. Anyways, she invited him thinking that he would say no, knowing that I would be there with my current bf. Ironically he said yes. Even though my ex was going to be there, in the end, I went to her party with my bf. Is it selfish to have wanted her to uninvite my ex since they are not really close anyways?
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female
reader, explisit +, writes (15 March 2008):
explisit is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice.
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (15 March 2008):
 She shouldn't have invited him to begin with.
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A
female
reader, Holz  +, writes (14 March 2008):
No she shouldnt have invited him in the 1st place. He is your ex and she must know that you had a bad break up what im trying to say is that she was out of order for doing that she knew that you were going to be there with your boyf so why did she invite him for? Its not selfish at all hun its understandable.
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A
female
reader, Variety +, writes (14 March 2008):
 If he's her friend too then she should be able to invite him. At least she told you in advance that he was going to be there. I understand that you don't want to see him and that this is the root of your problem but you have moved on from him so don't like his presence bother you. x
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (14 March 2008):
 I would say yes, it is a bit selfish of you. Just because you've broken up, life goes on doesn't it. Okay he hurt you but you've moved on now and have another boyfriend. I would brush it off, don't blame your friend, she was only being polite asking him and it IS her prerogative to invite whoever she wants to her party. Rise about it, you're with someone else now, it's HIS loss right?
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, Minnie1 +, writes (14 March 2008):
As you have pointed out, your friend did not expect your ex to come to the party; she was probably meaning to be nice and did not anticipate his response! By wanting her to uninvite your ex, you would have been putting your friend in an awkward situation.
I understand that you have been hurt badly by your ex, however you must not let him think that he still has control over you. You now have a new boyfriend and how will he feel if he finds out that you made a scene regarding the invite to your ex.
My advice..... put the past behind you and concentrate on the future. I understand that it was a shock seeing your ex again and did not make for a comfortable evening. However, your ex would have probably got a clear message when he saw you with your new boyfriend- the fact that you have moved on and are no longer into him. If your friend had not invited him, then he would not have seen this, and doesn't it feel good to let him know that you are doing fine without him?!
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (14 March 2008):
 I think this is a tricky one; on the one hand it is her birthday so it is her perogative to invite who she pleases. On the other you could reasonably expect some sensitivity to be shown. However, ultimately, you say here that she didnt really expect him to come so only invited him out of politeness and when he did accept felt honour bound to stick by her invite. If I was you I wouldnt let it become a bigger issue than it needs to be, if it really bothers you that much then bring it up with her but to be honest I would be inclined not too because it will probably cause more trouble than it is worth. Good luck :)
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