A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A little over a year ago, I started a relationship with this guy who seemed too perfect for words. His last relationship before me ended about 4 months before we had started ours due to the fact that she had kissed another guy. At first, our relationship was going smoothly, but recently I've been encountering a lot of problems. When we would be lying in bed together late at night sleeping, his phone would ring (it would be her), and he'd always take the phone call away into another room or in the hallway, and he'd never once mention that he was with me. Also, when the two of them would be texting, I'd ask who he was talking to and he'd tell me "oh, it's just my brother.." (I know it's her because I'd see her name pop up before I even asked). Also, this past New Years Eve, I spent the celebration with him and his family, and at the stroke of midnight, he kissed me and then immediately ran off and told me he had to go make some phone calls. No biggie, right? Except when he told me he called 15 different people, I found out he was lying and only spoke to her. The most recent event was I was trying to be cute and surprise him while he was in the shower, and change the background on his phone to a picture of he and i, except when i went into his picture gallery on his phone, I found 2 dozen nude pictures of his ex on his phone.Now i've confronted him about everything, and his excuses have been nothing but lies. I've ended our relationship since then because i've felt he hasn't been coming clean about everything. The other night, he told that the reason all of this is happening is because he just doesn't want to 'let go' of her in his life... but in a 'friend' way, not in a 'lover' kind of way.Is it right to believe that he still has feelings for his ex and that he is just scrambling because he was caught, or do I believe he is being sincere when he says he loves me, and just slipped up a bunch of times?
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male
reader, Shawn_W +, writes (26 January 2009):
He's obviously not ready to let go of her yet, and it wasn't fair to you. He probably cares about you, but it's not going to work out until he can sort through his feelings for her. Having nude photos of said ex on his cell phone shows that he is not quite there yet.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): Hi. I had a similar situation a few years ago and i think you have done the right thing. He probably does have feelings for the both of you but he needs to be able to either let go of her or go back into a relationship with her, cos he cant sit in limbo like that, all he will do is destroy every person who comes into his life that is not her. It doesnt mean its over though, if he can get over her im sure you two could make a good go.. I did in the end but it took us being apart for 2 years but dont even try if you know he still has feelings for someone else, it will only result in heartbreak, and probably be yours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): I think he has feelings for both of you... he probably dose still have feelings for his ex which is never good to be in a healthy relationship. I think right now he needs to either get back with her or realize its never going to happen. Do not get back with him until he truly breaks away from her... Yes you can be friends with a ex its ok, but when he lies about talking to her thats something to worry about. Also the fact that he has kept nude photos of her on his phone while he is with you is just... wow not good...
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A
female
reader, didda123  +, writes (26 January 2009):
 I do believe he still has feelings for his ex and i think it is more than just on a friendship level. If he is receiving nude photos of her it is beyond friendship.
I think you were right to finish things with him, it doesn't necessarily mean that it is over completely with the two of you but i sends a clear message to him that you aren't going to stand for any nonsence from him.
He obviously cares a lot for you as well because otherwise he would have ended the relationship himself he is trying to have the best of both worlds i would imagine.
Give him some space but if he can't end it with his ex i wouldn't have him back because he will go to and fro and you just don't want to get into that it is really soul destroying.
If that is the case it's really best to make a clean break and move on. I know it will be painful but it really is for the best.
I hope that you can be strong. Good luck x
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