A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry for the length of this.I was with my boyfriend for just over a year. We have always been long distance and so have never known any different. I gave up my job to be able to fly back and forth to him. He cant travel as much because hes in the military so he just paid for everything. A month ago I found out he cheated on me after 3months when we 'met' online, I have also been told of other sightings of him with other girls at parties etc. I ended it but we have recently been trying to rekindle things because he claims hes sorry and wants to change. He now wants me to return to America for good to be with him. I love him alot, But whilst ive been home I realise how much the distance affects me and I've started looking at other men. Im 20 and hes 24, hes completely stable and settled in his career, and I have given up everything for him. I just applied for University here and have been accepted, It's a foundation course for 1 year and then I have the choice to go to another University to do the additional 3 years. My boyfriend wants me to do the year and then do the 3 years in America. But the costs are incredible and plus I can do it here for free (I can be funded). Now my boyfriend isn't happy about this. I physically cant wait to start University, but I really think my boyfriend wont last an additional 3 years long distance (I mean he already cheated on me once..maybe more) and I feel that Im drifting. Is is right for me to put my education and career plans first? Or should I be sacrificing to be with him?
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female
reader, beckyamanda2104  +, writes (29 September 2010):
I am having a similar problem to you, my boyfriend and i met just before he started his 1 year degree, but carried on seeing eachother even though he moved away he came to see me every weekend, and i am really grateful for it, unfortunately he didnt get accepted into doing the 2nd year of the course and moved home. i stared a foundation course 3 weeks ago and have constantly been accused of putting my work before him, and that i am selfish and just looking out for number one, i have told him that i want to do well and that this is for our future, but now hes saying well what if you break up with me where does this leave me. etc. he is currently unempolyed and i feel constantly pressured to put my work aside and put him first even though i want to do well, i went into uni on my day off because it is so much work i said i would only be about 2 hours and i took 3 and now i am in the wrong and i am selfish because i have wasted his day even though he is unemployed and does nothing. i have supported him in everything and i feel like as he hasnt achieved something (high flying proper job, etc) he's trying to pull me down with him. and i understand from your point of view that a foundation is very fast paced and a lot of work needs to be done in a very short amount of time, i literally cant stand the pressure anymore, and i really dont know what to do. i really hope you make the right decision. this is the rest of your life, the career you create for yourself is certain, but whether you 2 are still together 10 years from now isnt.
A
female
reader, almc  +, writes (18 August 2010):
The one you pick is the right now. Whatever makes you happy is the main thing. And school is what you need, if he loves you he will understand how much you want to learn and make your own money and not need him. Go to school if he loves you he will wait and be good if not then let him go lots of other men out therea. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 August 2010):
 The right choice is the one that will make you the happiest. To me, it sounds like going to University and taking charge of your future is where your heart is at.
I have a very negative view of both cheaters and LDR's, so I won't comment on that other than to say they are both more trouble than they are often worth.
Follow your heart. If he makes you happy, then go be with him. If you want to go to college, then that's what you should do.
Personally, I wouldn't pass up a free education if it is available. I highly value my education and feel I wouldn't be where I am today without it.
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