A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been dating this guy (no official relationship) for a few months. We were old friends who got really close and started a romance. He did the chasing and I finally caught feelings after a while. We would hang out all the time. He would call me every day and shower me with compliments (detailed ones, not generic “youre beautiful”) and said that when I was ready he wants me to be his girlfriend. We are both single parents so we were just taking it easy. Anyways, I had a 5 day vacation coming up, taking my son to Disneyland. He said he wanted me to have fun and that he wasnt going to call but he was going to miss me a lot. He ended up calling once but I missed it and I was so busy running around with my 2 yr old that I simply sent him a text and video of the beach so he knows I wasn’t ignoring him or anything. We agreed we would hang out on the weekend when I came back. I returned and contacted him. His energy was different. He made no effort to see me. Its been 3 weeks and when we spoke on the phone or texted, he was bland. He finally confessed he found it suspicious that I did not call him the whole time I was on vacation. He began ignoring me. I reached out again and he apologized for his behavior and we made plans to meet. The day we were supposed t finally see each other, he’s acting weird, saying he doesnt feel good. I asked him if he wants to still meet up and he says kinda. At that point I am offended. I told him I didnt want to hang out if he wasnt interested. He said ok and that he guesses he will just text me or talk to me later. I hung up. It’s been 3 days and nothing. He’s a Scorpio if that’s any help. He’s 25. I’m 26. Virgo. I don’t really understand how he went from being so warm to completely icy and apparently not even interested. I’m pretty annoyed because he’s the one who pursued me even when I told him I wasnt interested at first and now that I like him A LOT and care about him A LOT, he totally ditches me! What should I do? What happened? Is it really a big deal that I didnt call? I mean I’m a single mom running around California and Disneyland with a 2 year old! I was trying to make it all about my baby for his birthday week. How can this guy be so immature? If he contacts me again, should I just ignore him? I feel like this person has played with my feelings or made assumptions about me because I didnt call. Opinions?
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (7 June 2018):
 That would be a major red flag for me.
It was 5 days, I could understand if it was 5 weeks. You messaged him and sent him a video, he told you he would leave you be so I don’t really see where he’s coming from.
He sounds needy, clingy and very dramatic. It sounds like he’s trying to hint at something with his ‘suspicions’. I’d go out on a limb here and say this guy will probably end up showing signs of controlling behaviour. It’s usually the over the top, emotional guys that become obsessive.
I think he’s starting to show his true colours here, a needy, insecure whiner. I’d avoid like the plague.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2018): My guess is he wasn't going to call you because he wouldn't know when you had free time, but you could have talked to him and sent him messages when you were free. It takes 1 minute to send a text. You ghosted him and made him feel unimportant in your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJanniepeg, thanks so much for your responses. I think you are completely right about the emotional issues and it’s most definitely not what I need, and not at all something my son would benefit from. I’ll have to cut my losses on this one! Thanks again to you and everyone who has answered. You’ve all been extremely helpful!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 June 2018):
 Men with emotional issues start relationships, they come on strong and their reasons often do not have anything to actually wanting one. Their reasons could be, they are lonely. They stalked on ex's facebook pages and saw something that made them jealous. They want to get back at exes by getting a new girlfriend. They want a new romance, a new obsession to drown out the pain of depression. Subconsciously they want to fix mommy issues. Anything in the relationship that reminds them of past issues, they bail.
He said he wouldn't call you, but he called. Probably because he got upset with his ex or something so he needed you to make him happy.
Do people honestly think that with a 2 year old, it's that easy to cheat? Unless you went to the trip with your ex. Or you decide to hop to another room to meet a random guy you saw at the hotel lobby after sneaking out when your son fell asleep. If he finds it that hard to trust you, he shouldn't be in a relationship.
I saw that you have the experience of showing interest then pushed away. If you are like me you are the sensitive, caring type too. It's up to you to figure out quickly that you don't want to involve yourself with men with emotional issues. You have a 2 year old to take care of and you need to be emotionally strong. If it wasn't a missed phone call, it would be something innocent next time that made him shut down.
I hope this guy did not ruin your memories for Disneyland. It is precious and nothing should come between you and your son that week. Even if he called he could be questioning you, doubting you and giving off a weird energy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTylerSage, thanks for mentioning the bipolar. His mother is actually diagnosed with schizophrenia, and I don’t know how exactly that would pass over but they have a bad relationship. She abandoned him as a child and so did his father. It’s now he’s attempted to build relationships with them but it’s a lot of drama (according to him). He was also cheated on by his sons mother. He is an emotional and sensitive type. I do care about him, of course, A LOT. I wouldn’t say I’m in love with him but I was hoping to cultivate our relationship further. I did think of him often on vacation and was excited to get back and see him. I suppose the pause could be found offensive and it does make me sad that if I had called him, we’d have been alright. We have a great connection when we are around each other and we used to over the phone (even though I’m not big on chatting on the phone) as well as text. I already tried to initiate hang outs with him but have been bailed on multiple times. I don’t think I should keep trying. Don’t men find it desperate? I honestly do care but not at the expense of my own dignity. In my experience, the more I showed a man care and genuine interest, thmore I was pushed away. I suppose this makes none of us prepared to begin something new. I just can’t believe the complete turn around on his side over this and I think it is best to let it go if this is what I’ll get during any misgivings.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (3 June 2018):
I think the key lies in the fact that you weren't interested at first but developed feelings after persistent chasing. He resents the fact that he had to do this. From the start you probably sensed that something wasn't right but you gave him a chance. I believe you liked the chasing but not exactly him. He on the other hand liked the challenge of winning you but does not exactly want a relationship, or reality that you have a kid. You did reach out to him afterwards. I have to admit myself that if I was really in love with someone, I would call, regardless of what he said about not calling you and letting you have the privacy. Maybe he tested you to see if you would call. I don't think there's a strong enough connection and I don't care about horoscopes. You've just been playing a back and forth game. If a genuine connection is there, communication should be easy.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (3 June 2018):
 It's possible he could have borderline personality disorder. People with the condition tend to be very hot and cold with people. One minute they love you the next minute they hate your guts. The fact that you apologized for hurting his feelings should have be enough for him.
However, I don't think completely ignoring the guy because he's a little upset with you is exactly just. Women act out on men all the time for not showing them enough attention. Men don't just bail all of a sudden because his girlfriend is being moody, plus you said he'a an old friend. Don't undermine the entire relationship so quickly and over something so innocent. It makes you seem very passive.
Give him a call, set up a movie date and chill. Don't spend your life waiting for others to make the first move.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, BE125 +, writes (3 June 2018):
All the responses so far are from female readers so I thought I might be able to add a male perspective. Sometimes guys are easily offended. It's possible he may have had an experience in his past where someone neglected him or treated him poorly. I think you are fine, you didn't do anything wrong or inappropriate. He knew you were on vacation, you replied to him via text, it's all good. If you had not replied at all, I still think you would have been fine. Being a parent is hard and parents are BUSY! As a parent, he should appreciate that. I think he expected a return call and didn't get it, and he got upset because in his mind that's what you should have done. I think the issue is with his expectations being unrealistic. If he does contact you, there's no harm in talking or trying to sort out what happened. If nobody says anything, nothing will be resolved. I'm all for dialogue, it helps people better understand each other!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 June 2018):
 The thing about a vacation is also to relax, so I absolutely support a no-tech approach.
Your first priority is your child. NOT him. That's how life is for a parent.
So don't feel you did something "wrong" after all you PLAYED by HIS rules that HE suggested!
Chin up!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the very insightful answers! I really appreciate it. Yes, of course there was a time or two I may have had a few minutes or so but it was honestly one of the most exhausting vacations ever! It was just me alone so I wanted to maintain the focus on my son and also try and tackle our experience as safely as possible, as well as break off from being on the phone so often. I didn’t even call or text any other family or friends and they definitely understood (other than the “I landed safely” text which I also sent out to him).I will take all of your advice into account and will not bother with this guy anymore. If he does write me, I’ll politely decline and continue on. It’s sad because things were going so well but I suppose me going on this vacation exposed something I may have been blind to for longer. Thank you all again!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 June 2018):
 You basically have TWO children on your hands: your son and your boyfriend. He sounds petulant and sulks if you do not read his thoughts and predict what he wants. HE suggested no contact while you were away but then threw a paddy, despite you sending him a video.
I understand you care for him but do you want to spend your future treading on eggshells and trying to second guess what he expects of you so that you don't upset his fragile little ego? I can only envisage this getting WORSE as time goes on. Have a good think about whether he is worth it. My gut instinct would be to not bother contacting him again and find someone a bit more mature and not as demanding as your toddler.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 June 2018):
While I don't think you HAD to call him during that week, I don't think it's entirely true that you didn't have the time to do so. After all, your son is 2 so my guess is he is not UP as long as you are and a 10 minute call or some daily texts to let the guy know you were well, alive and perhaps missing him would have been in order, if calling him wasn't convenient at all.
We make time for the people we WANT in our lives. Even if it's a 10 minute phone call or some texts or even a postcard.
Also I'd say it depends on how often you two communicated before that.
BUT with all that said, HE did say :"He said he wanted me to have fun and that he wasnt going to call but he was going to miss me a lot."
So he is kind of going back on his own words.
My guess is that the major reason he is/was upset was because YOU didn't SEEM to really think about him or miss him while you were gone. I think that hurt his ego a bit.
ONE thing I also want to say is that IF THIS is how he acts after a few months, I would SIMPLY block and delete all contact. I don't think it's so much immaturity but insecurity. And insecurity is not good in a relationship.
He should understand that you really just spend the week with your little one, that HE suggested "radio silence" and if that was NOT what he wanted he shouldn't have suggested it, so for him to be icy and sulk.. that's not very attractive.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (2 June 2018):
I was in the same experience 4 years ago. The only difference was that the guy had no children. It wasn't Disneyland but some local amusement theme park. It was so noisy there that it wouldn't have made sense to call. The day went by quickly and I got home at 9pm. He suspected me of cheating. I am not a huge phone person but I did maintain daily phone calls with him which got very boring. It was not a big deal to not call. The day was reserved just for you and your son. He was an insecure guy. I guess while you were away he was tortured by his own thoughts. Here's a guy who couldn't not only deal with his insecurity, but also being number two in his life even though he has a kid too. He should understand how much energy it takes to be a parent. Let me see him do it with a kid for a day at Disneyland. I bet he would find it so challenging. I am confident to know that we women do it better. When we as single moms date, we are looking to one day be a blended family. When single dads date, they are looking to heal that wounded ego and to capture that teenage romance again. That's just some men I must say. In your case, he has no plans to have a long term relationship and not emotionally ready to cope with one. You have a 2 year old, it's impractical for you to just drop your priorities and cater to one insecure man's needs.
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