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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: i have a question. is it impossible for men and women to be "just friends"? it seems like all the guys i get close to, end up having some sort of feeling for me. then they say that i should have known, because guys and girls cant stay just friends. but i dont understand why not? i love talking to guys, and as a kid i hung around them more than girls, but as im older (22) now, my newer guy friends never want to stay that way. i just get along with them more than girls sometimes, and its starting to get old that they cant just see me as another person to hang out with. i dont want to be seen as a "guy" but just a person! how can this work? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 I think males and females can be "just" friends as long as they are very well aware of the rules. For instance, I'd bet it's easier for a woman to be friends with a guy and NEVER, think about the sexual possabilities. On the other hand, Id bet most guys run the thought through their minds at least a few times. Also, given the right situation, a guy could probably take it beyond the friendship level without worrying about the results. If a man is single, and the opportunity arises, many times they take it.
A woman always has the opportunity and they seldom have random sexual encounters. It's very basic, men hunt and come home most often emptyhanded. Women are the prey and most often, escape.
In general, whilst it might be totally outside the realm of what a woman is looking for, a guy could probably do it without much persuasion. Many times, women look for the perfect guy and men merely look for the perfect opportunity. This is more common with younger men. As men get older, I think they are more able to appreciate a female friendship.
A
male
reader, cam  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 hey i kinda thought it wuld b good to get a male imput. umm simply yes i hav alot of close freinds that are girls. there isnt anything stoping girls an guys being freinds. while i understand how easy it is 2 fall for a girl you get 2 know so well, it doesnt mean that you cant b freinds. you get over it and the freindship can continue. somtimes better than befor.
good luck wif everyfin
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A
female
reader, Ms. Intuition  +, writes (2 January 2007):
your question has two answers to it. yes and no.
let me say this- it is impossible for a men and women to be close friends over a long period of time without one of them or both of them developing feelings for the other.
it's what the people involved choose to do about those feelings.
sometimes deciding to venture ito a relationship has worked for some people while for others, it has just messed up a good friendship.
it is not easy to decide whether or not it is best to remain just friends (i think it is particularly difficult for men to decide).
dont get annoyed by what is happening in your friendship, you never know, you could find your life partner in this way. it also means that you are a good person.
when these guy friends tell you they like you, and you don't feel the same way, all you need to say is 'i like you too, as a friend. i think you should continoue to just be friends instead of trying to turn our friendship into something its not and in the process, spoil it.'
i hope that helps!!
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 I think women often want the men in their lives just to be friends. But I don't believe men will begin a friendship with a woman if they have no attraction or feelings for her. That's just the way men are and why girls who aren't that attractive often don't have many man-friends.
But over time, you can make these men your friends, it just takes time for them to realise that you are just wanting a friendship and, if they're worth having as a friend, they will come round to your way of thinking and won't sacrifice a good friendship.
The mistake a lot of girls make is kissing or doing even more with a guy who's just their friend. This only gives them ideas and you can rarely make a good friendship with a guy once something sexual has happened between you. The line has been crossed and for men, there's no going back. They can't respect you as a friend and if you don't want anymore, it's all over.
These guys who want more than friendship and who aren't willing to just be a companion to you are not worth bothering about. If you meet someone who you want to hang out with and have fun with, you do that but let them know that's all it is. Never give them any reason to believe there's any more there and, if they're worth it, they will respect you and you can be very good, close friends.
Good luck
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