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male
age
36-40,
*hered1
writes: Very long story slightly shorter, I got back from a stay out of the country to find that one of my best friends had a pleasant new girlfriend. She was around whenever he was around and we were on good terms very quickly. They dated for almost 2 years and were very close, but in mid-2006 he dumped her. He had cheated a few times and he couldn't deal with some of her problems, and it was pretty messy overall.She and I were both careful to not fall out of touch, and I was a shoulder to cry on a few times. It was always obvious to me that she was never really over him. She dated a few other guys, but she was always being hurt by contact with him and I felt terrible for her sadness.A few months ago I started to fall for her. I told myself for a while that I couldn't let it happen, but after a while I got the definite impression that she had some feelings for me, too. We hung out a lot, and had the relationship been less complicated I would have said things were going very smoothly. A week ago, things sort of came to a head, however, and I wrote a message to sort myself out that addressed almost all the issues I could think of. I ended up sending it to her, and I got a rushed response before she went to work saying that I was right about her feelings for my friend (and maybe for me), that she felt terrible that she might threaten the relationship between my friend and I, and that she had a lot more to say and she'd contact me soon.I think she's been avoiding me since I got that message, though. The abrupt change makes me think that maybe my message drove the situation too fast, though whatever happens will probably have been inevitable. I could probably live with a rejection, but I'm a complete wreck with this. Could I get some feminine input as to what she might be going through or worrying about? I hate that I might make her any more unhappy, and I have no idea what to do. Obviously input from guys is greatly appreciated, too.
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female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 Hi,
Do you think you may have scared her,she could have thought you were trying to back off.
Dont forget this lady has already been deeply hurt by one of your mates, is it poissible that she thinks you may do the same. Sometimes people back off for the fear of being hurt.
Why dont you arrange to see her over coffee, then you could explain things more. As for your mate, well he didnt seem to care for her that much, or he would'nt have cheated on her. Whatever problems she had, cant have been helped by him. So why he comes into the equation, im not sure.
You seem very nice, and im wondering why you are friends with a man who treats women like sh** anyway
A
male
reader, Bigryan0301 +, writes (2 January 2007):
You should date her becuz ur friend might get mad and kick ur butt hse might like u if u hang out with her alot and let her cry on ur shoulder becuz thats almost always what happens she crys on ur shoulder and falls for you
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A
female
reader, StudentNurse20 +, writes (2 January 2007):
 Everyone always says friendships are important and you obviously care a great deal for your friend. You were honest about your feelings and thoughts no one can really ask anymore of you, you did the right thing. I think perhaps she is avoiding you to save your friendship, if she felt so bad for getting in the way. You have to ask yourself what is more important your feelings for this girl or your friendship. Perhaps she is still in love with your friend and your letter confused her. Give her some space when she is ready to talk things through she may contact you and if not then you have your answer.
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