| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello,I broke up with my first boyfriend yesterday, and now I never wanna fall in love again. He was my first love. But he hurt me because he was so judgemental of my past. I posted earlier about how he thinks I'm a slut. For the record, I was a virgin until I dated him, it's just that I had made out with two strangers and I had had a friend with benefits. He was perfect in all other areas. He was trustworthy, loyal, kind, sweet, we had loads in common, he respected me and always tried to make me feel beautiful. But he had this thing that hurt me deeply, and he doesn't seem to care, because he says I hurt him first (I hid and lied about my past so we wouldn't have to deal with it, I know, my mistake, later I came clean though). He says I made him suffer so much and that's why he treats me like this, because I was evil and mean first so I deserve this. I don't agree with that, but well...Now I never wanna fall in love again because I fear that everytime I meet a "nice" guy like him, he'll either be judgemental, abusive, a cheater, or he'll have too much of a wandering eye. I've always been insecure and after this, I'm even more insecure, so I don't think I could ever bear with being in love again because I'm so scared of being hurt again.Help me, how can I be confident and secure enough to overcome this and find love in the future? Is it possible to live alone for the rest of my life and be happy? I'm 19.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Hi Hunny
You said He was trustworthy, loyal, kind, sweet, we had loads in common, he respected me!!!!!!! You also said he was so judgemental of my past. He thinks I'm a slut. Hunny how could anyone be kind, sweet and respect anyone if they judge and call you a slut? Your past is your past did he not have one? So you messed around a little but you were a virgin when you settled with him, What else does he expect of you..In my mind you talk with your partner about certain things but they have no right in judging you for what you did before you were together. Did you care what he did? You had each other and thats enough and why do you have to tell every little piece of information about your life anyway. Thats your past and its no were near a bad one belive me, These are his incecuritys sweetheart and he made you feel just horrible because of them, It certainly does not deserve to be called a slut for. You cared and loved this person very much but he told you, you were evil does he know what he is saying Im sorry but if that were the case most of the world is evil and that just is not the truth...You must not think that every man is the same as this is just not so, Ive been very badly treated by my ex husband and I could think Im never going down that road again and have thought it on many occation. But not all men are judgmetle arsholes hunny, Not all men lie and cheat. There are two sexes in the world capable of doing all those things it is not only men that do these things hunny....Every single answer you have had so far is from guys listen to them you really dont have to be scared and live life alone....
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html
You need you self esteem lifted and your confidence sweetheart once you have become stronger you will be able to deal with this in a more possitive way so give this link a chance sweetheart and read a little for just 20 minutes a day this will help...And always belive in you and what a beautiful young woman you are and never let anyone tell you differently WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Hi,
and I think we all told you what a jerkoff he is. So listen to your Aunts not to the messed up self absorbed dickhead you had the misfortune to date.
What's that I hear? Is that the sound of someone picking themselves up and dusting themselves off?
Now go out there and get em girl. There are plenty of us guys who don't give a hoot who you dated before us. You won't meet anyone sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Get some girlfriends and hit the town!
good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): To answer you last question first. I have been alone for 5 years. I am handsome, nice, funny, and once girls get to know me I become their "brother" "best friend." My biggest flaw is my shyness, so hence I don't have a girlfriend. I am not old, only 22 years old. For 3 years it didn't bother me, being single not worrying about the pains of love. But the last two years have been making me feel lonely and the loneliness can be worse than the pain of broken love.
No you don't have to be lonely for the rest of your life. Not all guys are like that! Take it from a guy who isn't like that!
Also don't be afraid of another 'mistake' of a person that will treat you badly. Like Tremor said, this is a risk we have to take.
Take it slowly. You broke up yesterday, your heart is still mending, and it will take some time. After a few months you may feel ready to fall in love again.
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A
female
reader, Tremor +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Realize that not all men are the same. That are not /all/ going to judge you on your past, and not /all/ men are horny cheating bastards.
It hurts to lose a first love, and it may hurt for a while. All you can do is take it one day at a time. Realize that it's not your fault your ex was a judegmental tosser - no one 'deserves' to be treated cruelly.
Rest assured that there are many more fish in the sea. Admittedly, you may be hurt again, but that is the risk we take. And you may not - you never know until you try!
Don't assume you'll die alone - you've got /plenty/ of time to find a man who'll appreciate you regardless of past actions.
Good luck. =)
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