A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible to immediately go from being in a long term relationship to being just friends?This guy who is interested in me tells me that he is over his ex with whom he's been living with for several years. They've just broken up a month ago and he says he is over her. They still hang out and he considers her a close friend. I've known him for over a year and we have always clicked, but because he had a GF, we just stayed friends. Now, he wants me to be his GF.. what should I do?
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female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (9 April 2014):
 I think it would be a terrible idea if you started a relationship with him. He is clearly not over his ex and like others have warned; you will become a rebound and you will get hurt.
I would tell him that while you are fond of him and have considered dating him in the past you do not feel like he is ready to be in a relationship so soon after just ending one.
This way you are not rejecting a chance to be with him in the future. But under no circumstances should you get in a relationship with him before he heals and moves on. For a 7 year relationship I would give it at the very least a year to move on.
Good Luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2014): Are you leaving out the in-between romance stuff here, OP, or did he just out of nowhere ask you to be his girlfriend?
For that reason alone I'd say no but a month out of a 7 year relationship, no chance in hell.
I just think it's strange someone would ask someone to be their girlfriend right off the bat, no dating, no romance first, just become a couple straight away.
I'd respectfully decline his offer, he's moving way too fast and skipped the whole courtship process to become a couple with someone only one month out of a long term relationship.
That reeks of post break up desperation to me.
Your gut is right, OP, it's a bad idea but not for the reason you think it is. It wouldn't matter if they were friends still, it's still a guy post break up moving way too fast.
This has rebound written all over it, and don't let him convince you otherwise. If you want to take the chance with him, then guard your emotions and don't agree to be his girlfriend without testing the waters with some non-sexual dating and see what his real intentions are.
I wouldn't be fond of the love rival in terms of his very close ex at all to be honest. Still too emotionally attached for my liking, too much looking over my shoulder for comfort.
Three very good reasons not to go near him in my opinion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2014): He's on the rebound, and you'll get hurt. You don't really know the terms of the friendship; and there may be other unfinished business. Stay-tuned for their issues to surface, the minute you decide to date him.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (9 April 2014):
 Leave it a good few months before getting involved to avoid being the rebound girl.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 April 2014):
 I'd be vary of going straight into a relationship with someone fresh out of a long term relationship.
Now it could be that he "mentally" left the relationship long before they broke up, but he should still process the relationship that is no more.
I think you have a high chance of being his rebound.
He says he is over her, but they are still great friends? Yea, that is really rare that people can go from dating to "just" friends. Even if the break up was a mutual thing, they really ARE blurring the lines here.
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