A
male
age
36-40,
*rokenwill
writes:I cant help but feel that a divorce is the only way to fix our relationship. My wife and i have been married for almost 4 years now and things are starting to get all messed up. we have always had little fights that seemed big but we always worked through them. when we were still newly married she had an affair with her son's father that she came to me about a few months later. we worked through it and everything returned to normal and actually it seemed better. we continued to be us and grew what seemed to be closer together. i love my wife like no one in her life has ever loved her. she had a very very screwed up childhood that carried over to her adult life before i met her. she was never in a stable relationship and never truly loved by anyone including her parents. i knew that being her husband was going to be very difficult but had no doubt that i could show her true love. unfortunately i am feeling more and more that i am fighting a losing battle. Two weeks ago she cheated on me again with a man who she works with. we both decided that she needs to work on her. everything was starting to seem like it would be ok, a little rocky but all in all ok. For the last 2 days i have been wanting to get away from her. i still love her very deeply but i want to run far far away but i dont want to screw up anything that may actually work. the next problem is that when i lost my job last december we eventually had to move in with my parents and that is where we currently live. i can't leave because then they would just throw her and her son out but she literally has no where to go because her family doesn't want anything to do with her. i am completely screwed up here because i do love her but i dont know that im in love with her. please i need some encouraging words here and anyone that has been through something similar some advice would be nice. i just dont know if the relationship is worth it anymore and that scares me because she really and truly is the only woman i have ever been in love with and now i feel myself falling out of that love.
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affair, cheated on me, divorce Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, brokenwill +, writes (9 August 2011):
brokenwill is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so very much for those answers even though I didn't want to hear it its what I needed to hear if anyone else has any encouraging words to help me through this time please leave them I need to know that what I am doing is for the best because I'm fighting with myself and find comfort in knowing that there are people out there that care enough to take the couple of minutes to help someone other than them selves thank you again
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): You can neither fix her, nor control her. Best to realize that ASAP.
She needs to work on herself, you need to make sure you are not becoming co-dependent.
You might try this site.
http://www.aliveinthemoment.com/addiction/codependent-relationship-quiz.html
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (7 August 2011):
 You may feel sorry for her and sympathize with her issues, but you have to do what's best for yourself. She may love you, but she doesn't love you enough to be faithful to you. You deserve better and you know it. She knows that you're one of the very few people who understand and love her, yet she risks losing you. She may think that you're always going to forgive and accept her because she has problems, but it shouldn't be that way. Everyone has problems, but we learn to cope with and accept them. You can forgive if you want, but she doesn't deserve another chance. Tell her how you feel because she needs to know. If she has nowhere to go, then maybe she should get a job and she could pay a monthly rent to your parents until she gets herself together and is able to support herself and her son? And if you have a job now, you could start saving up some money and prepare to move to a place of your own? But if she really loved you, she wouldn't do this to you. Every person knows when they are about to do something wrong that can be totally avoided if they walk away. But some people choose to do it anyway. Don't let her hurt you again. Save yourself from more pain and find someone who will respect you.
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