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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: [Moderator's Note: 2 questions from the same poster have been merged together] People that are close to me tell me I have a nice figure, a pretty face, and am very attractive. However, I mostly see something different when I look in the mirror. I have very low self esteem and when I'm complimented, I either deny it (truthfully, not seeking more approval) or I get defensive because I think they're lying. Sometimes I don't see in myself what these people see in me...Is it possible for a person's image of herself/himself to be distorted for whatever reason? I have bulky arms. My parents made the mistake of signing me up to the gym at 13 and giving me access to weights. I pumped up my arms for a duration of 5 years and now at 18 they're bulky and muscly. It's not HORRIBLE but for some reason, there is some flab below the muscle when Im not flexing. My confidence is low because of this and I hate showing my arms. Is there any way to slim them down and make them toned and pretty? I've tried tricep machines but they just make my arms bulkier! What can I do?? :( Thanks so much for any advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): It's not only possible to have a distorted self image, it's likely! Almost everyone judges their own appearance a lot more harshly than they judge other people's. In my case, people say I'm stunning but all I see is big nose and funny teeth. No one else notices the minor imperfections in your appearance, so I say you should believe them!
As for your arms - if they're not flabby when you flex the muscles, then it's muscle not fat. I do 2 kg weights for lots of reps to keep my arms toned but not build up the muscle.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): not many people are completely comfortable with the way they look, and most people see themselves in a different way to others. but sometimes people actually see something different on themselves, for example, people with annorexia actually see themselves fat, when in reality they're very skinny. try looking up "body dysmorphic disorder" ..... im no expert, and im not saying that you have this disorder, but you might want to speak to someone about it and the way youre feeling, a doctor or councellor perhaps. i know what its like to hate the way you look. about a year ago i became very depressed over my weight, height, skin, hands, feet, face, legs, arms.. every single part of my body. everyone around me told me i was pretty and not fat or ugly but i did the same as you.. part of me thought they were just making fun of me or trying to be nice.. and i still have that side to me. im still not comfortable with the way i look. the point im trying to make is that people tell me all the time that im not as repulsive as i seem to think, but what i see in the mirror tells me otherwise. unfortunately i have no solution for you, because i suffer from this myself. but what i do believe, even if i dont include myself in this, is that everyone is beautiful in their own way, and every single person is different. and different doesnt mean bad. and believe me, i know how cheesy that sounds, but i promise you i genuinely mean that. many people are probably a lot worse off than you, and so try looking at the positive things. everyday in the mirror tell yourself that youre just as beautiful as anyone else. its supposed to help with the psychological side of things. i hope this helps, and im sorry that you feel negatively about yourself, because no one deserves to feel that way.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Google 'Body Dysmorphia" and this website should help you http://www.thebddfoundation.org/
Body dysmorphia is quite common in young females these days, it is a psychological condition and it often leads to eating disorders. So if you read up on it and still think you do have this condition then it is a good idea that you go to your doctors as it can be treated, and you probably should get it treated before it turns into anything more serious.
As for slimming your arms - often when you form muscle at such a young age (which is really bad for you and I cannot believe your parents were so irresponsible to let you near weights aged 13!) then there is not a lot you can do. The muscle will probably stay with you forever. I guess just stop doing any weights whatsoever on your arms and upper body, and concentrate on endurance cardiovascular exercise. Like running, cycling, swimming etc. This will tone your entire body and burn lots of fat and calories at the same time, so rather than focusing on one muscle group it should help to slim and tone your whole body.
Although if you think you are unattractive and dont believe anyone when they tell you how pretty you are, then the chances that this paranoia about having bulky arms might just be in your mind too, and in reality your arms probably look great.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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