A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello. im 20 yrs old and so is my girlfriend, we have been together for ages, its been like 2 years, we are pretty fine together . she is so understanding and loving and everything . she lost her virginity with me , i just love her so much, but the thing is about her past which is actually kinda hunting me :S she was naughty when she was youner , she didnt do much but still..she was with around 5 to 6 guys but just kissing..but the thing is she got kinda intimate with couple of them..1 of them was a serious relationship so what she did with him wasnt much and it doesnt bother me..but what she did with the other one kinda makes me feel weird a bit,,what they did is that he kinda used to lick chocolat from her body and they used to kiss all over and stuff like that..even tho my history is waay waaay more than that but just the idea that my girlfriend bein so intimate with other guys and bein touched by others mungles my mind. and whenever i think about that i get so upset and i start to make her feel bad about that . the thing is im not sure if i will ever get over this..i know that the easiest way to get ovar it is to just leave her but i dont wanna end this lovin relationship we have coz im so inlove with her and so is she..we were actually talking about getting married and spending the rest of our lives together..and i want that too..but just im not sure if i can handle this i mean her past because i just dont wanna think about that for the rest of my life and then just ruin our lives and bring her down with me !!! i really need your opinions guys coz i know what i have to do :S i just have to hear it from somebody elseit might seem clear enough to methanks
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her past, jealous, kissing Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): I know how you feel man. You wish it was only you that she had done that too. The way I see it is do you think about your past sexual experiences when your with you?? If not what makes you think she is. She's with you!!! If she enjoyed it so much she wouldn't be with you. Don't ruin something good. Would you want her to judge you of your past?? Relax she's with you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for all ur answers. it will probably take me some time to get over this and i hope i will be able to
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): It might still possible to forgive her. It is up to you.
You should have tactfully probed her past before the "big step". Now you both willingly gave your virginities to each other, so the bond between you two is pretty strong now.
Think about this: she did something with the others, but she gave permission to full intercourse only to YOU. So in this light, over time you may get over her previous "light" experimentations. You may want to think of such experimentations as a form of cheating, which you can forgive if you want. In the end, everyone makes mistakes of some kind. Ask for her help to forget those.
You should break up only if her personality is seriously incompatible with yours, and then in a kind and considerate manner. For good or bad, you two got a common history now. Good luck and remember that love conquers many things. May you both be marriage material to each other.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 She was a virgin. You know you'll probably never find another vigin if you leave her, right? This will only get more difficult, so deal with it now.
I'm pretty sure the guy she did the chocolate thing with was desperate to have sex with her. But she didn't let him. She saved herself for you. If you are jealous of him, just imagine how jealous he would be of you.
Do read the link posted by marriedlady at the bottom of this tread.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 I understand your sentiments janniepeg, but lying makes things worse.. then men with jealousy issues go insane wanting to know the "truth"..
Far better is to say "none of your business, I never talk about my past ..." just leave it at that.. no matter how many partners you have, unless your a virgin, just refuse to get into discussions.. tell the guys it's rude and ill-manner to "kiss and tell".
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A
male
reader, RIKI93dw +, writes (21 August 2010):
I believe one way of gettin over such things like this is to do for yourself like the choclate body paint maybe you could ask her about it to see if you could do it because you seem to have stuck in your head with others doing it so maybe if do it yourself the recent memories could overwhelm what's in you're head. I only suggest this because I did sumthing similar just minus the sex part.
i hope this idea can help
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Try hynotherapy, seriously. "From now on I will forget about other men in her past."
If you are to date another girl in the future, make sure she's a decent girl who doesn't drink, smoke or party, then don't ask about her past.
Advice for girls. Guys with retroactive jealousy are very rare actually, but just in case. I've never known one in my life. I only heard of this term since using this site. When you meet guys and if you have to respond to them asking you about your past. Just be as brief as possible. If you're in your 20's just say you had only one partner but didn't do much. If you're in your 30's your number is a 3. If you are older and your number is higher than 10, your number is still a 3 or 4. You are entitled to your privacy. Only brag about your number to your girlfriends unless you are sure your men would be turned on by your number. There is absolutely no benefit to tell your men about your past. I respect honesty in relationships, but this one, it's okay to lie. What's a woman to do? When they are being too honest then they don't get any relationships. If you feel like you have to lie inside a relationship such as "where are you going tonight, or who are you talking to?" then it's a problem between you two, and you can't blame it on anything else. Try to find that someone who won't make you suspect. If you are into partying, then don't expect long term relationships to work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): If you break up with her, don't expect to find a girl who is a virgin...you'll be finding a lot of girls with multiple sexual partners in her past. You're lowering her confidence and damaging the relationship by doing this.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 August 2010):
Yes it's very possible.. you need to realise that your mind is trapped watching video's of the past.. if you can control the mind and redirect it to more pleasant things, these thoughts won't torment you so much.
As Marriedlady says, please look for post from Yos, he is our expert on such matters...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): yes its possible...
you might want to take a look at this article written by one of our best aunts. It has some really good insight on retroactive jealousy. mal
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retrograde-jealousy.html
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