A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well basicly last wednesday i discoverd a sex site in my fiance's name, emial adress, pic and even his regular password(all of which i knew). obviously i confronted him, and he said he knew about the site and had been trying to get rid of it for ages and that he didn't create it, he even swore on our 2 sons lives that he didn't. He's an amazing dad and i know he wouldnt do this if he was innocent. The thing is the account was definatly made on this computer which nobody uses except me and him. I didn't belive him at first, but i know him inside out, this isn't something he would do, and i can tell when he's lying.I've come to a worrying conclusion that maybe it may have been me, unconsiously... obviously i have no recollection of this, but i have been known to sleepwalk in the past...i've been feeling left out recently maybe this was a subconsious way of getting his attention. is this possible? what now? I know him so well and i KNOW he did not do this. we have two children together and have a very good relationship. I think it must have been me and i'm so scared. please help me.
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Catflap1 +, writes (15 June 2010):
Well he has done it and it was not you! You must be really upset to try to convince yourself otherwise. (My man did too). He may not want to say and it doesn't make him bad.It took a lot of explanation and discussion for me to get mine to understand that it is a bad habit if it upsets one of the couple. Some people say it is like enjoying watching a football match, doesn't mean you want to join the team. Or it could be YUK.I don't think there can be many women in the porn industry who aren't damaged by it or because they do it and I have problems accepting that. I know it is some people's choice but demand and supply shouldnt apply to human beings. Most men wouldn't choose it as a career option for their daughters so how come it is OK for other people's?There are enough other detours out there to damage our relationships without this one. If he could do that would he go to a lap dancing club or pay for sex with a prostitute on a lads night out? Everyone these days should discuss these things honestly so women can choose with discrimination and care the sort of bloke they want to be with. Telling lies robs people of the chance to make choices in their own best interest.Trouble is it diverts attention from intimacy in the relationship unless both partners know and share it. When secrets are kept doubts creep in about the extent of the problem. I stopped my man and we have sex every day now, are slowly starting to trust each other with more fantasies and it is fun!You need to explore this in your own time and find out where he draws the line versus what you can accept.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Are you really buying this?! That's ridicoulous, stop being so guilable!
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 "i've heard of people doing things like this before and having no clue it was them...."
Yeah, people with Alzheimer's, not normal people. I know you so want to believe him, but he's is definitely 100% lying to you. I think you know that too. I agree with the below post, he has not been trying to get rid of this for ages, he's probably been doing it behind your back for ages. Whether you call him on his lie or not is up to you, but do pretend he's not lying is living in denial.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): no way was this done in anyones sub~conscious or sleep. honey you are waaay to gullible. the other aunts are right and i agree with them. mal
...............................
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (15 June 2010):
 You don't know him as well as you think you do and you are afraid to admit that. Don't you know it's impossible to know another person inside and out? Hell, you don't know yourself inside and out! You have no recollection of visiting the sex site because it never happened,yet you'd rather blame yourself than acknowledge that the man you think is so perfect is actually quite capable of looking you in the eyes and lying.
I can understand wanting to keep your family intact and finding a sex site on your fiance's computer doesn't mean your relationship is over, but being blind to the truth is never a good thing. If you honestly think you did this while sleepwalking, go see a sleep specialist. In the meantime, put a porn blocker on the computer just in case you subconsciously decide to create another internet sex account in your fiance's name again.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): That is definately one of the most creative explanations on earth!
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Your post reminds me of a great old classic movie, from 1944- "Gaslight " with Ingrid Bergman. She hears sounds of footsteps from the attic and the husband says,impossible,it wasn't me. Pictures disappear from the wall and the husband says- it wasn't me, you must have taken them down and you don't remember. She sees the lights of her house suddenly dimming and the husband says- it's just your imagination....Lo and behols , the husband ( who was also a murderer ) for complicated reason of his, wanted to convince his wife she was crazy so that she would accept being locked away in a mental hospital....
Of course ,your husbamd is not a killer and does not want you locked away. But the creative capacity he has shown coming up with this incredible excuse of a sleepwalker's. porn site subscription...that's fantastic !, he should write for Hollywood studios !
...............................
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Had he accessed a pay-site?
That requires taking a membership, which requires giving credit card details and stuff. A lot more cognitive thinking than the relatively simple acts associated with sleepwalking. So, no, it's not possible you've done it in your sleep.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): You never know anyone 100% Im afraid. If you wish to believe his lie then do but it sounds like he is cheating or very close too. If he thinks he got away with it then he will continue to cheat.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): I wonder whether I should be concerned or laugh... OK try this, tell him that this bothers you a lot and you just want to know the truth, tell him that him lying to you is worse then him having a sex site. Even if it does make you angry just play it cool for a while to get the truth out of him. I'm sorry but I agree with the other aunts. Look at the facts, you don't want to believe it but he's not telling you the truth. Sit down and talk to him, say that you just want the truth.
NightFairy
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): If he was 'trying to get rid of it for ages' then why would he have not come to you and said "Hey - what on earth is this on our computer - thats hideous - how has that happened?" He would have raised his concerns immediately. I am bewildered that you cannot see how obvious this is. He has been trying to get rid of it for ages because he has not got a clue how to cover his tracks - suddenly. If you want to find out if it was you or him I would say to him "Oh don't worry about it - its not like we're gonna look at it". Leave it for a while and then check to see when it was last accessed. I'm sure you will find the truth this way.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Love is blind. That is all I'm going to say because the other posts have said it all.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Oh boy.... this man is definitely lying to you.
If you had to dig deeper you would probably find other sites that he has visited. And if you say you can tell that hes not lying to you, you are obviously very easy to fool.
Wake up!!!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Then why was it his email address oh my gosh wake up please and face the music - it was not you!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnot nesisarily asleep - subconsiously. i've heard of people doing things like this before and having no clue it was them....I know the fiance inside out - thats how i know he didn't do this.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): My dear lord. You really don't think it was him? Wake up!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): I cannot decide whether you are joking or you are just plain daft.
Of course he's lying. Websites don't create themselves and the human body is not capable of doing something so complex as setting on up in sleep mode.
Your husband set this up. Plain and simple.
Flynn 24
...............................
|
