A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone. Am so sad, confused, annoyed and upset. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and four months. Am 21 years old and he is 29. We are great together, we enjoy each others company but there is an obstacle that is bringing our relationship downhill. Its about our sex life, for the past of couple of months he keeps saying " I dont see you cumming during intercourse." And he also says " I know when a girl cums there should be white cum that he could see coming out of me." He says I know it i've been with girls and they all cum normally whats wrong with u? He accuses me of sleeping with other men thats why I dont cum. I did talk to him about it and I told him that I do cum and am not cheating. Its not nescessairly that u see white cum, sometimes it comes out transparent that u dont see it. So is unwilling ti listen to me when I tell him that, and I love him so much am not cheating. He keeps believing that I dont cum because its either am being with other men or I have health problems. I dont like it when he keeps saying negative things that I dont cum and am not normal. He mentioned he saw me cumming only twice, am really frustrated and sad. I dont know what to do to, I love him and I dont want to lose him. The only prove that he wants to see is to see me cumming whenever we do it. Thats the time he will believe me, otherwise he wouldnt really listen to whatever I tell him.Please I need ur advice on what should I do?Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Wow. Sweetie how are you supposed to orgasm with such a negative vibe from him. And I come clear. And sometimes it's not as wet even when it's great. If he loves you, he would spend time pleasing you. Not just pleasing himself with your downstairs area. Certainly not judging you. When you ditch him, your life will start turning up more. Not if, when. You obviously have a lot of compassion in your heart. Find someone who is like you in that aspect. Men can be real jerks behind closed doors, can't they.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Sometimes I feel that he is felfish and its alot about his ego. Whenever he feels good and in the mood, he seems OK with me. But alot of times he is just giving me the cold shoulder, not talking ti me when am present with me. Howvever, he does take care of me and consider my own feelings. He just doubts about me alot!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): He is obviously stuck on this issue and now so are you (understandably). The answers you have here should be enough to resolve his ignorance and clearly there is nothing wrong with you, you are normal and not weak - it hurts when someone you love undermines you. But it sounds like there is more to it than just sex. Does he blame you for other things? Does he put you down in general? Does he try to make you happy or is your happiness just a reflection on him? If you argue does he listen to you? If it is all about how he feels and his ego or if his reaction to a problem is to find fault with you, then don't stay with him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): He sounds like a creep to me. If he doesn't even believe you have gone so far as to go to the doctor for him, he is nuts. My boyfriend has this trust issue with me and I don't know why and that alone is enough for me to leave him after 2 years. If they haven't figured out your personality by that time to trust you then you shouldn't waste anymore of your time. I can sympathize with you. If a man really loves you then he wouldn't make you feel like shit. If you are like me and he makes you cry more often than laugh, cry one last time, get rid of him and you will feel better about yourself. There are many nice guys out there that will not second guess who you are as a person. I need to take my own advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): He really wants to have a future with me and be his wife. But he is having doubts about me, how come am not cumming and things like that? That is the only thing stopping him to have a future wid me. Because he is wondering whats wrong with me. I feel so depressed that I do not know what to do. I want be with him, and I do see him as my future husband. But I do not know whats the problem is it me or him? I already doubt myself that am not normal :( Please help
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 "He doesnt practice foreplay with me, may that be a reason?" (original poster)
This guy sounds like a real prince charming.. not..
Can I ask you a question, how often does he make you laugh in a good way?.. daily, hourly, weekly, monthly...
How often does he upset you and make you cry?... daily, hoourly, monthly, weekly....
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (16 June 2010):
Sorry, you can tell him he's an idiot...
He knows nothing about women, our fluids are different colours at different times.. idiot.. could be food, could be less or more hormones, who knows... our discharge is different at different times of the month...
http://www.sexinfo101.com/pw_femaleejaculation.shtml
http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/anat_indx.htm
http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/anat_indx.htm (includes detailed pictures of a woman's fluid output)
Personally I would dump this guy, who is rude, abusive and controlling.. nothing you, I, or anyone else says will make him believe different.. A little knowledge in the hands of a fool is a very dangerous thing...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): I tried to talk to him about it today when he called me and I told him it does not work out like that. He was trying to listen to my point, I dont think he was convinced though. He just said that he knows how a girls cum looks like it should be whitish. He was like I used to have my girlfriends before u, and I know how it should be. And when a girl gets that whitish creamy cum it means she is healthy. He mentioned that he only saw my cum twice only since he has been with me. I was like that is not necessairy each girls body works differently, sometimes cum is tranparent and u cant see it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Your boyfriend sounds really ignorant and unaware of basic sexual/anatomical facts. Women don't produce "cum" like a man does. I thought that was fairly common knowledge. And for him to judge you in such a negative way based entirely on his own stupidity is just awful. I am sorry but you have to stand up to this guy and, in my opinion, get rid of him. Why should you let yourself be put through this misery when you have done nothing wrong, and there is nothing wrong with you? You need to take control of the situation and get out. You do not need to me made unhappy by this idiot- you are 21, you should be enjoying yourself and having fun, not being upset by his own insecurities.I see you have written that you are weak here but the best thing you can do is leave your boyfriend. Don't let him beat you down, that is a sad spiral of behaviour. Stand up for yourself and don't let him be so disprespectful to you. I don't think he will change. You have to make the move yourself. Good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Women do NOT produce a white fluid when they orgasm. Don't know where he could have gotten such a ridiculous idea. He is the one who should see someone or do the research on female orgasm. Some women do produce a clear fluid when they orgasm but this is fairly rare. The vaginal secretions that are produced for lubrication for sex can be clear or milky colored depending mainly on the time of the month. On the other hand when a women does orgasm it really cannot be mistaken. She will have strong vaginal contractions her entire body will tense up and she will have intense waves of pleasure and release of sexual tension. It really CANNOT be mistaken. Of corse I can only speak from the experience of the over 50 women I have been intimate with as well as all I have read over 40+ years. It is difficult for most women to have orgasms through intercourse alone. And difficult for many women to have them period. It takes patience, practice, foreplay and a lot of time.Cumming and orgasm, in case you did not know, are the same thing. Your boyfriend sounds exceedinly ignorant. Get educated about these issues TOGETHER.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): He knows how am a vulnerable person when am with him, and how he can twist me. I know its basically my weakness, sometimes I feel that he wants to make me experience low self-esteem an d break me in a way. I do not know why, is that he does not want me to be proud of myself and have other guys chasing me. It was my mistake to allow him to tell me such things because I did not consider consequences. I did get mad at him sometimes and stand up for myself. However he makes it sound like its my fault and that am not normal :(
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female
reader, oreides  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 xanthic is absolutely right. i have been with men like this... and here's my two cents.
he is definitely insecure, perhaps you know why, either by his appearance, age, achievements, or sexual prowess. whatever it is, or whatever experience he had to make him insecure, he has not confronted and settled. he will continue to feed into this insecurity until HE- not anyone else- solves it by his own will to feel better.
he has control issues because of this insecurity. how could any man think that berating you for what your body does will ever, ever help your sex life? accusing you of cheating is too far. why would you be so desperate to stay with a man so disrespectful?
your feelings for him won't change what's happening or him. you sound like a nice girl, but i urge you to find someone who loves the sex you already have and trusts you with his heart. there's nothing you can do for this man, and you must have the strength to do what's best for yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): I dont understand why is making me feel so bad and upset by saying all those negative untrue comments. I just wish that he would understand and stop judging me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): If he loves me why is he making it sound like am not normal and things would be fine when he sees my cum.
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male
reader, dyeruz +, writes (15 June 2010):
Sex is a shared experience, both physical and emotional. This guy is only concerned about massaging his male ego or re-enacting what he sees in porno movies. If he thinks you're cheating because you don't scream and holler when you're together, then he's not the guy for you and pretending won't change things either. Good luck.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Because he's insecure, as I said. If you want him to change, you're going to have to make it clear there are consequences to the way he treats you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Am too weak to break up with him. I love him so much.. I dont know why he is letting me down :(
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (15 June 2010):
It would probably be better to break up with him and save yourself the emotional agony, because it sounds like it's not going away any time soon. There's no reason for him to treat you like that, and you've already said he won't listen to you or change his mind.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Thanks alot for ur response. I want be with him but I cant go on like that if he keeps saying that other girls are normal and am not. Sometimes when we are out, he opens the subject and he depresses me alot. I start doubting baout myself. I did send him an email today expressing my love to him and stating that I like it when kisses, hugs, touches me more often. I dont know what to do or say to him.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (15 June 2010):
No, it's not white. A female orgasm isn't visible the same way a male's is, and most women can't climax from only vaginal intercourse. If he's not doing more than that, that's probably the reason.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): He wouldnt say anything he is doing is wrong. He is very sure that he is perfectly fine and there is something wrong with me. I dont know what to do to please him..
Is it always that the girls cum has to be white and shown on his penis? Am really confused.. I've been to the gyneacologist and I made several tests and she said am fine. He does not even believe that I went to the doctor too. He just wants to see my cum -thats the only prove for him. He doesnt practice foreplay with me, may that be a reason?
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (15 June 2010):
He's clearly very insecure. He's probably frustrated and taking it out on you, because he won't admit his performance may be lacking. Either way, there's nothing wrong with you. If anything, he should be more concerned with how to get you to climax rather than why you haven't.
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