A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've written before about my boyfriend who is going through a divorce and that I feel as though he has been showing less interest in me as a person recently and been a bit complacent towards me - even though he did make the effort to see me whenever he was free and I love his company. I feel like this is a somewhat standard and pathetic question but I could really do with some words of wisdom right now. Yesterday evening he finished our relationship. He said that he felt that he was making me miserable (not really true) and not giving me what I need and deserve out of a relationship. He said that he has made up his mind and is unlikely to change it. I feel so totally gutted. i have been quite depressed recently due to loosing my job, getting over a serious illness and moving country. Currently I am living at home again, with no job and no boyfriend. All of my friends from home have either moved away or have families of their own now. I am nearly thirty and I feel like such a failure. I have been taking antidepressants - and this relationship has been such a wonderful breath of fresh air for me. I feel like I've lost the last thing that was truly important in my life and I want to support him in his decision and continue to be his friend if I can, but I also feel devastated at having lost him. I know it sounds insane but there were so many weird coincidences with us getting together, and he is such a kind and loving person who I really clicked with, that I felt somewhere deep down that it would work out with him - that this was the person I was meant to be with. I know that I cannot rely on a relationship to make me happy and that this is too much pressure on anyone, let alone someone who is going through a divorce. We are both young - both 30. I really want to do the right thing by him and also myself. I want to be rational about this but I also really really want him back. I feel that with some extra communication this could again be a wonderful relationship. Any advice please? Is it possible to change a man's mind once they have settled on a course?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, yankit  +, writes (18 November 2009):
Being more than twice your age I'd suggest you take a break.go on a vacation and re-evaluate your life-dependancy is a bad bad thing.
A
female
reader, dazey  +, writes (18 November 2009):
You say:i have been quite depressed recently due to loosing my job, getting over a serious illness and moving country... I have been taking antidepressants - and this relationship has been such a wonderful breath of fresh air for me.This might not answer your questions but why why why are you taking anti-depressents?????????????????????????????Just my view, and I'd love to hear alternatives but losing a job, getting over a serious illness and moving country all sound quite stressful. I think people have a right to feel depressed at such big life events without recourse to drugs. Are you sure that the anti-depressents are working for you? As far as I am aware, both types of anti-ds act like neuro-transmitters and affect the way your brain functions and therefore how you experience situations and emotions. In other words you are no longer able to feel the genuine emotions that events like these trigger in you. Apart from anything else I urge you to reconsider your use of these types of drugs. Simply because I know how readily doctors will prescribe them. I'm no expert, but your emotional dependency on another person might have been making up for the dullness in feeling that antiidepressents force in your brain on a chemical level. If you think you can do without them, then do. See how you really feel about this situation.
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