A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, and thank you. My bf and I have been together about 3 years now. Started off amazing as most relationships do. He was so charming, complimented me and loving to me. It didn't take me long to fall head over heels for him. Once we got to know each other longer things drastically became different. His moods switched easily. He would be sweet then angry accusatory, volatile! I would have to watch what I said because everything was analyzed. He changes my words, they become totally different than what I originally said. If I simply say "did u take a morning off to complete your tasks"? He will reply "what are you saying, you don't believe me that I didn't"? This leaves me utterly confused :/ When its good its great, when its bad its terrible. He constantly accuses me, on a daily basis. Who's the guy? Where's he live? How dare you? Be open with me more, your so secretive. I have been loyal and there's no need for him to keep up with this allegations. I've told him, I love you I'm committed to you. That's not enough he pushes the envelope daily. If I'm out he will call, or text continually I said there's no need to do that when I'm with family. I'm busy talking with them and I will get back to him asap. That stirs him even more, he immediately will text "have fun on your date". Its driving me insane! I can't keep reassuring him. I've explained without trust we don't have anything. He then states " oh I trust you". Its leading me to believe he's doing things perhaps he shouldn't be doing, or he has Bipolar or something. I asked him to see his MD to get evaluated but that never happens. I've expressed this is so abnormal and can't go on. If I get dressed up he "will say u look beautiful" then take a shot at me when I'm leaving to go home and say "do you have a date". He eye balls every younger woman in sight. When I visit him he will say "oh this young woman likes me and she's 25 years younger". I say to him are you seriously telling me you have the "hots" for another to my face?! He's so disrespectful. He's cheated in his marriage. I'm thinking he's doing it now. What do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Anon, he's emotionally abusive, controlling, and manipulative. Men like this often accuse their wives/girlfriends of having their (the mens') weaknesses. So if he's selfish or lazy, he'll accuse you of being selfish or lazy, especially if you're not. It's part of his campaign to disorient you and get you to mistrust your gut. If he's suggesting that you're cheating, then either he is cheating on you or he's actively looking to do so. Get out now, before he wears down your self-esteem. You deserve better.
A
female
reader, muso888  +, writes (16 March 2011):
I know this kind of man - he's trouble. I don't know if he's cheating or not, but he ISN'T going to change his behaviour, and the bad moods will get worse and worse until you can't even remember why it was good in the first place. Do you really want to stick around and find out either way?
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A
female
reader, neomum +, writes (15 March 2011):
Kick him to the curb any guy that starts telling you what to do is no good and yes he has cheated the signs are there.
Good luck in meeting someone new and better for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): I think he is just being disrespectful to try and keep you interested in him and make you feel jealous. It sounds wierd but unfortunatly thats the way guys are. If i see my boyfriend look at another girl i hit him up about it straight away, dont let him away with anything. You need to confront him about every little thing, as he is doing it to you! Other wise it builds up inside and you cant stop thinking about it. I think you should dress up and go out with your girls for a night and make sure he sees you all dressed up. You need to make him realise there are other guys that would love to have you so he can see that he is is taking you for granted!
Do you ever check his phone?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): Leave him now!!! If he isn't cheating he is emotionally abusive that sounds like it will become physical.
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A
female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 Question is NOT whether he is 'possibly' cheating on you...
The question is WHY ARE YOU CHEATING YOURSELF of a healthy and happy relationship? You should not tolerate this type of behavior - it is controlling, abusive and manipulative. It only serves to confuse you and break your self-esteem. Do you not think you are worth more than to be treated like this?
It is an unfair situation for you. You should not accept this beahviour, no amount of reassurance will appease him. He is the way he is, now you need to figure out why you are staying and whether you can deal with this for the rest of your life.
It is possible he is cheating. He would probably justify it with false assumptions that you are (despite you saying over and over and over again that you are not). Honestly, what a headache. I say run, dont walk!
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A
male
reader, Davec +, writes (15 March 2011):
I am a 40 yr old man 2 years a go I cheated on my wife bigest mistake of my life but I never behaved like that sounds to me he is just really insurcure, he is scared you will realize he is not good enough for you. I made one mistake but I never acted in that way so I don't think he is cheating hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): Whether he is cheating or not, do you really want to be with him? He has lots of issues. He is controlling and manipulating. Apart from an intial 'honeymoon' phase - he seems rather unpleasant. Quite honestly, if you read your post back, you'd say 'leave the guy'.
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