A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible not to like sex? I lost my virginity to my boyfriend a few months ago and we've done it somewhere between 10-20 times but I still don't like it. Sometimes it hurts a little but at other times it's just uncomfortable or I can't feel anything. I'm worried I'll never like it.. can this happen? Please help :(
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female
reader, MisguidingBoys +, writes (27 July 2010):
Have sex with somebody else. he's probably too small and not doing it right. or you letting him do all the work with is just as bad.
sex is like dancing its all about rythem and pace.
A
male
reader, rivi  +, writes (26 July 2010):
There may be more complicated answers to do with psychology and so forth - but for something very simple to try buy a tube of KY lube ( you can get it at Walmart ) and put loads of it in your vagina before your next session with the bf.You could also get some lubricated condoms and insist on him wearing one at least as an experiment ( don't worry - if the option is no sex or wear the condom he'll wear it believe me! )Could make all the difference..... and once you start relaxing your vagina and realizing it doesn't have to hurt you'll see what all the fuss was about !
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A
female
reader, karen1989 +, writes (26 July 2010):
 It took me ages to like sex, just because it was so painful. You've got to remember sex isnt just a guy putting his penis in you and having a few how shall i put this-pumps. Sex is kissing,touching,squeezing,caressing,embracing eachothers bodies,and knowing that your partner is loving every second of it! Sex can be fun don't turn it into a chore look foward to it! Buy a sexy outfit,suprise him with some oral. Spice things up a little. And if its painful for you at the moment don't worry that will soon disspear,be patient.
Good luck :)
Karen.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): If it makes you feel any better, many guys feel this way when theyre young too. I know when I started having sex at 17, I was too nervous to really enjoy it. I focused too much on making it seem passionate, and just didn't focus on the sex. As a result, I never had an orgasm with my first 3 partners. It wasn't until I was 20 that I did. I can honestly say that, as sexually charged as I was then, I didn't really ENJOY sex until I was well into my 20's, and didn't crave it until my early 30's. I believe that physiologically, we reach our sexual primes when the doctors say...about 18 for women and 22 for men, I think. But emotionally, sexual enjoyment can take well into adulthood. You need to know more about yourself, your body and your relationships to truly enjoy sex to the fullest. So dont worry. Get more involved with your sexuality. Visit sex shops, read erotic stories like on Literotica, and explore things at your pace...you'll come around (no pun intended). :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): Sorry you are feeling like this, especially as this is your first real boyfriend.
I don't think for one minute that you're never going to enjoy making love/having sex, so forget about that. Remember this all very new to you, and your boyfriend, and perhaps out of a little lack of experience you were perhaps not as ready as you thought to start having sex. This is only one possibility, however, you can't go back even if it was, so lets try and look at some other suggestions for you.
When you and your boyfriend make love/have sex, are you FULLY aroused, turned on by lots of foreplay before penetration? This is vital for a woman to really enjoy it.
The other thing may be, if you know or EXPECT it to hurt, you may suffer from what is called ' Vaginisms' This is the result of a conditioned reflex of " PC muscle". The reflex causes the muscles in the vagina to tense suddenly, which makes vaginal penetration, sexual intercourse very painful or impossible. A female does not consciously control this spasm or muscle. The vaginismic reflex can be compared to the response of the eye shutting when an object comes towards it. The severity of vaginisms during penetration varies from female to female. I thought it would help if I explained, as you may not have heard of it. It is NOT anything dreadful, even if you were suffering with this, and a lot of females do, especially when nervous about intercourse being painful, as you're just not so relaxed like this.
You can always talk to your GP or practice nurse as they would be able to advise you, and if was this, give you little exercises to do to help you relax that part of you when having sex.
The other possibility is of course, lots of lubrication, again if you're thinking about being tight and it being painful, you won't lubricate so much naturally, so why not try some lubes next time you have sex and see if that helps. Plenty available in the chemists, as you're in the UK, Superdrugs have a good selection on their contraception shelf.
And lastly make sure you and your boyfriend have lots cuddles BEFORE thinking about having sex, so you really get in the mood.
I hope I've helped you a bit...
Jilly x
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (25 July 2010):
 You're new to sex so this is normal.
However, some people don't like sex. Very few, but its possible.
I didn't like sex at first either, it took a few years, and I first had sex when I was 17, I'm 22 now and it was this year I had my first orgasm. Sometimes it just takes time to find someone that is able to make sex enjoyable. Or someone that is willing to try new things and see if that works to turn you on.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (25 July 2010):
 I dont want to get to personal but if this is both your first experiences i am guessing it is a lack of skill rather than you been asexual(someone who does not like sex). You need to experiment with foreplay and make sure you are wet before intercourse and try different possitions and you will eventually find something you like.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 I guess it can happen, but in general it takes time to work things out and get them right. My bet now isn't that you don't like sex. No, my bet is on both of you being inexperienced in bed... in other words you aren't good at it. No offense, but being good in bed takes practice! And your boyfriend sounds inexperienced as well. If he knew what he was doing he would be making you feel great.
Do you know what you like yourself? Have you experienced any times while having sex with him, that he does something you kinda like? Tell him that. Also speak up when what he is doing is boring you, or you can't feel it! Communicate. That is the only way. Tell him "sweetie, when you do this I can't feel anything" or "hun, that actually kinda hurts a little". And then make sure you tell him when something feels good.
Have you ever had an orgasm? If he is getting off every time, perhaps it is time you focus on you coming, and not only him. Sex is so much more than penetration of the vagina...
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A
female
reader, Spades  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 This is normal. It takes time for your body to get used to it. You have no need for concern, you will eventually.
Hope that helped. :)
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