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My ex broke up with me so why is she acting so weird about avoiding me?

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 October 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 4 October 2016)
A male New Zealand age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My ex was picking fights so we broke up and it ended messy. I tried everything to keep it going. At the time I thought it was completely my fault and I was doing something wrong but looking back now I know it was both of us but largely because of her of own faults. She has many faults and either I was in denial or blinded by love back then I dont know haha.

She called the places I like to hand out dero but found out she went to the places I was going to a few times. When I sew her in public randomly she would avoid me. I've seen her a couple of times and once she tried to jump out of sight before I saw her, I only knew it was her because it was strange the way she tried to avoid me, it was the kind of action you try when you see someone and do something completely unnatural to get out of their sight. If she acted normal I wouldnt have even taken notice lol.

She broke up with me. Her actions are exactly like when we were together, all over the place. What is going through her head?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (4 October 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntThe real question is why do you care? Do you still have feelings for her? Do you want to get back with her?

The thing is well all feel awkward bumping in to an ex and most of the time we make it even more awkward with our silly actions. Just be civil to her when you see her and try not give it a second thought.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2016):

You're experiencing the weird behavior of a recent breakup. She is testing your reaction, to see if you will pursue her; or if you even notice. She is hoping you're all broken-up about the end of the relationship; and a bunch of other silly things that we act out in pain and regret.

Continue no contact and pretend you don't notice. This is for her sake, to just give her a chance to come to terms with the recent painful event. Rejection hurts like hell, and being told your boyfriend wants out of the relationship makes her feel like a failure. She didn't want to take any responsibility for her part. So in denial, it's easier to blame you and hope you're stewing in your own pain and suffering. This is the stubbornness and relentless pride of human nature. She's hoping you will call and ask what's going on; so she can give you a piece of her mind or feel some joy in knowing you're hurting too. She's feeling emotional and acting-out.

Just remain indifferent, don't announce your activities and plans on social media, and avoid your old haunts. Just for the time being, you should not confide in mutual friends. Not in avoidance, but to modify her behavior. Expect drunk texting, angry emails and text messages, visits to your mother; and other weird behavior related to your recent breakup.

It's all in reaction to her pain, and symptomatic of the grief of a breakup. You will do weird things too. You will feel sorry for her, second-guess yourself and have doubt, miss her, and get wild ideas about reconciliation.

Avoid provocation, and don't be cruel. Just go about your life and continue your healing. You're numb right now; but it will hit you. Just man-up and deal with it when you feel your heart sinking. It isn't necessary to show her how strong and indifferent you are.

You initiated the breakup; and even though she's pretending otherwise, she gets it and knows it partially her fault.

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A male reader, 11muds11 Canada +, writes (3 October 2016):

Ya, I agree with the other poster, she's trying to get into your head because she still loves the attention that you used to give her. She's acting weird because she knows you'll think about her.

When you see her, don't do anything and don't react to it. Stop trying to think about what she's doing, and eventually you won't worry about it. Once she sees your unfazed, I suspect she'll stop it, because she's not getting you to think about her, and the strange attention she wants.

Find yourself a better girlfriend, who likes you for you, and the problem will go away. Stop thinking about her, avoid her you need, and you should be OK.

Hope this helps

Good luck

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (2 October 2016):

Honeypie agony auntWho knows what is going on in her head?

But really, she is now an ex, so STOP caring or worrying about it.

My guess is, it's part embarrassment, or she wants to see what you are up to without you knowing, and part trying to seem like she doesn't care anymore - but really? It's just a very immature way of dealing with running into an ex.

So in the future, if you see her, ignore her behavior. There is no great message in her behavior you need to "decode".

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