A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just a general to-the-point question. Do girls/women ever come out of the friend zone? I hear from some that girls are never put into the friend zone completely - which to me is nonsense because it happens all the time to me.I recently realized I fell in love with a friend. He doesn't know and I have no plans to tell him in the immediate future seeing as he has some growing up to do. He is interested in having sex with me out of curiosity I believe. I've seriously thought about it and refused; although still tempting. I asked him out a month after I met him and being he is extremely shy he said "yeah, maybe..." and then never called. I've told him I no longer have feelings for him as to not make things awkward... even though we made out with each other on New Years. 3 years later we are pretty close even though he lives in another city for college. I just want to know if I could do anything to have see me in a different way. What makes a guy rethink putting a girl in the friend zone? Is it even possible? What can I do?
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (4 May 2013):
You have a much better chance at finding someone new in your life and if anything, you will learn more about relationships and dating. Three years is a long time and it can distort the reality of the situation. He lives far anyway so the chances of teasing him or making him jealous isn't fruitful. I am sure you have a lot going on for you, so don't waste it on someone who may consider you an option :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): It's time to bite the bullet and tell him how you feel.
OP you know people who get friendzoned are liars. No offence but you've been lying to him saying your feelings have gone and friendship is enough.
Now it's far more common for it to happen to guys, the reason being we're the ones who need to make the moves and if we accept friendship when what we want is a relationship then that makes us liars.
Can you make him feel something for you? No, not a chance in hell and especially if you have sex with him he'll just make you feel used.
OP there is the tiny chance that he may like you that way, but you asked him out, offered yourself up on a plate to him and he turned you down and has told you that he'd sleep with you and that's it.
OP guys don't turn down girls they like out of shyness, they may not ask a girl out because they're too shy but seriously that's not why he refused you.
He doesn't like you that way but would take sex if you were offering that, that's all.
Look no matter what OP, you need to stop lying to him, you're supposed to be his friend and here you are living a lie, deceiving him. Tell him the truth, see what he says. If he's wishy-washy, says maybe or any of that shit that means no. Do not accept an FWB situation OP, only if he commits to a relationship is it wise to sleep with him. FWB's only works when there are no feelings, you're already way beyond that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): I believe this is the single most difficult thing for a women to do if she meets some man that she says yep he is way more than a friend and God yes I want him in the romance and intimate department real bad. I can only relate using my relationship as a example. I met my present boyfriend of two years via a girlfriend I grew up with. He was really a different type of guy because he was pretty open about what he felt about me from the day he introduced himself until almost three months later when he took the leap and said he wanted to stop the friend thing and move forward. You know or at least I did right from the beginning there was good chemistry but it is more than just that. He loved his star bucks and I wasn't overly thrilled but I thought what the heck I will go and join him. I never till this day forget how he made me feel comfortable and at ease with him just after meeting no more than two weeks earlier. He would always stand up when I approached him in the coffee shop and great me with a smile and compliment how I looked. He always tried to pretend that he knew all about my courses I was taking and you might say being a pest. But somehow I didn't really mind. You mentioned getting out of the friend zone. It happened one day almost two months after we met at the same coffee shop. I was a bit late for our regular coffee get together when I noticed one of those women baristas giving him a hard time. So he got the coffees and sat down at the table. I knew he was upset but he gave me the traditional smile and great but this time he caught me off guard and gave me a small and sincere peck on the cheek. So heck I gave him one back. He sat down and became serious and told me about what happened. He said that the women had hit on him and he didn't like it because he wasn't like that. He then told me he had been in long term relationship but had been dumped about eight months ago. He also said he wasn't a player and never could be or want to be. Then he came out and said what was on his mind and it wasn't a surprise because I knew or felt there was something he wanted to tell me. I tried to lighten the mood up and said that he should surely know that I wasn't dating anybody after spending a couple a hours every day with him in the coffee shop. He immediately smiled and said I didn't think so. And the rest is history. You can get out of the dreaded friend zone but have to always be looking for those signals. Good luck..xoxo
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 May 2013):
 I agree with YouWish, making out and sexmay pertain to the Friendswith Benefits zone, never to the friend zone. Friendship and lust make strange, and uncomfortable bedfellows.
What you are telling us, basicallly, is that you are strongly attracted to him, and he returns that only in a very casual, lukewarm way. I think you are flogging a dead horse, you have been open and clear about your expectations, - and he still does not bite, even at the level of casual sex.
That simply means he does not feel the spark you feel, and, as galling as it is,... it's no tragedy. There may be dozens , hundreds of other men, who would be eager and GRATEFUL to be physically and emotionally intimate with you, why wasting all you can offer on a man who's not equipped to appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 May 2013):
 You can't be in a friend zone with this guy. You have been sexual with him by making out with you, and he propositioned you to get to use you sexually. Even if you both hung out and no sex or making out took place, it wouldn't be the friend zone.
You can leave this guy alone, because he is a loser who wanted to use your feelings for him in order to get sex from you. Someone like that is NOT your friend, and if he became your friend, how would a guy in the future you date think of the fact that you keep around a guy as a friend who wanted sex from you and you made out with? There's another name for "friends" like this -- they're called BAGGAGE.
This guy is a waste of time. Best to cut him loose as an investment into meeting a guy who sees you as more than a quick lay and a blowoff.
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