A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible for texts to get lost because my boyfriend and a male friend of mine claimed to have sent me texts this week yet I haven't got either of them, even though I am receiving texts from other people?My boyfriend and I have been having an extremely difficult time adjusting to life beyond the honeymoon period of our 1 year (long distance) relationship. Early this year, my boyfriend was making suggestions about moving in together but I was then made redundant and have had no luck getting a new job. I feel very much like we have been in limbo ever since. I have found he has been getting distant and tetchy with me (possibly due to my work problems and sexual problems we have been experiencing but I don't know for certain). At the beginning of the relationship he told me he finds things difficult to talk about which wasn't apparent at first because the relationship was new so we had loads to talk about. However it is taking an increasing amount of time for him to contact me. A couple of weeks ago he didn't contact me for 5 days (this is the longest time he hasn't contacted me) so I contacted him and he said he had sent me a message which I told him I had never got. Exactly the same thing happened again this week. I don't believe that he has sent me any texts though, because I know that he gets insecure/worried if he doesn't hear from me within a day or so of sending me a message and he will contact me to see if I am o.k but he hasn't been doing that. Also, I have noticed lately that he seems to be keeping his weekends free (Sun/Mon) and rarely wanting to spend them with me these days (although we did see each other last Sat/Sun and it went really well). I feel like my boyfriend is giving me really mixed messages because on the one hand he is acting distant but then he organised for us to spend Christmas together about 3 months ago before I had even thought about Christmas!!!! I confided in a couple of girlfriends that know him that I thought he might be having an affair - one was totally unbiased and the other basically told me to stop being so ridiculous. Anyway, I felt reassured by my friends' comments and put it all to the back of my mind. I made plans to go out and enjoy myself. I share a mutual hobby with a married male friend (with our partners' blessings because they don't enjoy this hobby) and had made arrangements to go out with him this weekend for the first time in about six months. Anyway, on the day we were due to go out his wife came over and stated that he had tried to get hold of me to say he couldn't make it but he had no luck, and the reason he couldn't come was that he was having an affair!!! I can't believe he sent his wife to do that!!! I wondered if my married male friend was lying about sending the message because he's always been able to contact me before and now he is having an affair it seems like suddenly he can't contact me!!! Of course, then all the thoughts came flooding back about maybe my boyfriend is having an affair because both my boyfriend and this married male friend are acting exactly the same way - (letting me down with previously arranged engagements which my boyfriend has done a few times lately, telling me that they have sent me texts which I have never received, and the latest development is that they will not call me on my home telephone number now either!!!! They are both really rubbish with technology so they could be telling the truth but I am having very strong doubts.I would really appreciate a male perspective on this, but all advice/thoughts welcome. I want to tell them that I don't believe them, but is it wise to do that? However, if I don't then I run the risk of being a doormat with my boyfriend if there is something going on! I really don't know how to approach it at all. Any ideas?
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affair, christmas, insecure, mixed messages, period, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, the one who doesn't know  +, writes (9 November 2008):
 well, to start, men don't like to be completely controlled. so he could be just enjoying his life. but on the other hand he could be lying, and could be having an affair. the best thing to do is just to talk. not by messages, but actually talking. in a calm way. with some distance, but not too much, or else he'll think that you're having an affair too. just explain your point of view, a little drama wouldn't hurt, but try to keep it in the safe zone
best wishes
A
female
reader, Anonny +, writes (9 November 2008):
I have heard that there can be a delay with some text messages!! - But not usually more than 1 at a time!!
I know a guy who says he'll ring me & just doesn't!! - He doesn't even bother with the excuses!! - I think some men just think they can treat women how they like!!
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