A
female
age
51-59,
*obbit22
writes:HI! I work with a man, we have a bond no doubt between each other and an attraction. Our flirting, innuendo, and his telling me I'm gorgeus over the nearing year has finally reeled me in. There is an old song, "You made me love you, I didn't want to do it" ..anyway, that is what happened to me here, and, yes, he is married. In the past, when we've tried to separate ourselves from our scenerio, we can sense it in each other, for example on an occasion when I put a wall up for a few days he found me and only said "I love you more than that you know", I knew exactly what he meant, that he came to "retrieve" me, he knew I was pulling away. So I relented my 'wall' because he revealed that there was more going on in him.. In time, he put his own wall up, and I adjusted, then he came back with words of caring, and there have been times I sought him ought. Like a reset button. Recently a few of us went out to a show of mine we drank.. when I sat with them, I whispered to him how he was so unexpected in my life, I told him how he inspired me, with honest deep words, and gave examples on how he has made a difference in my life... he held my hand the whole time, and then said to me "I understand what you are saying to me" then he let go cuz the others were like looking at us... A week later we were conversing and he said to me, wow you were pretty messed up last week I said no and touched my heart and said, I remember ever word I said to you at the table verbatim, I could recite it back to you to prove it. I told him that I hoped I didn't make him feel uncomfortable, he said, no cuz, "you know that I'm crazy about you". Anyway, I got to thinking what does crazy for you mean and..now what?? it's out on the table. Does this mean he cares for me too ??...Recently, I have been deciding to put up walls again, and his behavior, I can sense that he is too.. this time it is bothersome because of what we expressed, I suppose he may have been doing some thinking as I have lately... he has a lot on his plate.. Last night at work I thought I'd test 'the wall' I asked him to this place we go to, he said he couldn't cuz of $$, I said "don't worry about it, you were so happy to go last time I have $", then he gave every gas/money reason why he couldn't go, or to this other work b-day invite we had, (his house is in April 09' forclosure and I guess there are money issues/problems...) After his explaining a while I told him, it's all right, I understand, (I suspected a 'wall') .. I asked if it was still ok to give him a hug, he hugged me normally. I saw him one more time on my way out and told him I was goin up there.. I said "let me know when you want to come be happy, then he said, "it doesn't mean that I don't love you anyway." Huh?? What is he saying...I guess I'm confused? This is just a smidgen of the history but.. s.o. s. Thanks for the opportunity to ask !
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, the one who doesn't know  +, writes (9 November 2008):
 I guess those reasons he gave were valid reasons or he simply didn't want go but he loves you, there's no doubt there. He probably tried to build the wall, and then he saw it was hard and blew it way...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): This guy is obviously a Good-guy/Husband...stop tempting him. He is attracted to you but his morals and values are superceeding his temptation. You admit that he has a lot on his plate. Don't add to his confusion and problems. You'll lose in the end anyway. Find yourself a nice unattached male! Don't mess with the family man!
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