A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused. I started things a little late, but since I've reached 30, I've been with three women one time each. The first time, even though the girl I was with was attractive, I didn't feel turned on. I couldn't finish, and the whole experience was not much fun. The second time was with a girl I thought at the time I was in love with. Again, the same problem... I wanted to be there, doing what we were doing, but I didn't feel excited, couldn't finish, and didn't enjoy myself. I thought I was just nervous at the time, and that I might enjoy it more if I did finish. Which leads me to now. I was with a girl yesterday, and I was relaxed and comfortable and I was able to finish, but again, I would call it an unpleasant experience. Is it possible for a man to not like sex? One time, or twice, I might think it was her, but every time makes me think it's me. What could be wrong with me? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Dear Poster
I suggest you should get professional help.
Make an appointment to see your doctor and take it from there; there could be medical factors contributing but from what I have read in your posting and from your description: (didn't feel excited;didn't enjoy;unpleasant experience;find it distasteful and unpleasant;Part of me wants sex, but another part of me finds it repulsive).
Your last sentence really says it all; I do believe that your problem might be PSYCHOLOGICAL(could be deep rooted; maybe even from your childhood) and that performance anxiety is making it worse.
Consult your GP and he can refer you to a specialist i.e. urologist or to a psychotherapist what ever is needed. Please do remember there is no reason to feel shy or uncomfortable going to your GP about this; you are not the only one, many men are going to there doctors about the same problem, but they just don't discuss it a amongst friends. Doctors are professional and are use to dealing with these problems.
I do hope you can have these problems resolved.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): It could be, as Oblivia said, that you just haven't met the right woman yet. It could also be a medical problem and it would be a good idea to see a doctor about it and ask him to check your hormone levels. I suggest this before looking into psychological reasons because medical problems are easier to diagnose.
...............................
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (24 November 2008):
 I think you just didn't meet the "right" women yet. Just hang on and don't think so much about it. The thoughts can in this case be your worse enemies! It will get better over time, I'm sure.
Wish you luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAddressing a few things people mentioned...I am definitely into women, and have no doubts about that. I have what I would consider a normal sex drive...I want to have sex, but when I get there I find it distasteful and unpleasant. I wasn't too concerned about my performance, at the time...I'm confident in the equipment God gave me, and she was obviously having a much better time than I was. I was attracted to her up until things got started, and then it switched. Hanging on to her won't be a option...things were so weird after that she dumped me. I'm still confused. Part of me wants sex, but another part of me finds it repulsive.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): Possible.But highly unlikely.A man likes sex. People like sex.If you don't, I'd be getting a shrink or a medical check-up because your body is supposed to compelling you to mate with the most fertile women you come across.Flynn 24
...............................
A
female
reader, Heike  +, writes (20 November 2008):
 You could possibly be experiencing the difficulties with sex due to anxiety, but if you due not feel sexual attraction/arousal in general, you may want to check out asexuality.org
Good luck & take care,
Heike
...............................
A
male
reader, toddybad  +, writes (20 November 2008):
It sounds like you were not as relaxed as you should be and i guess from what you're telling us thats theres a nervousness about sex for you - for a guy i don't think women realise how much of what goes on in our heads effects us sexually. when you're inexperienced (and i guess especially because you're a little older) there are a hundred worries for a guy - am i big enough? am i turning her on? what the hell am i supposed to be doing? too fast? too slow? can i find her clit? the list is endless and i guess early on although it's fun there are worries in the back of ones mind because of the way society speaks about sex. you know what? none of that matters - you need to relax chap - take your time ask her what she likes and dont pretend to be anything your not (ie don't tell her youve slept with a hundred girls). one thing that'll make you relax is when you realise you can do it for the girl - my advice here for you is to read the net for a few tricks during foreplay and once you've seen you've hit the spot your worries will ebb away and you'll enjoy the whole thing as you can do - and will do!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 November 2008):
 Maybe nothing. If you are sure you are into women and not men, you just may not like sex. If i were you I'd get checked out physically and you want to tell your doctor what you just told us.
...............................
A
female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (20 November 2008):
I guess it is a possibility that you might not like it as much as you had pictured it, but I would dare to say that most people, if haven't been through some trauma, should like it because we are physically made that way.
Couldn't it just be that you have had so few times yet and that it might get better over time when you get more experienced and know more what to expect from it?
Also when first meeting someone the first times might not be that good anyway because you simply don't know each others well enough yet, and everybody are different when it comes to what makes one feel pleasure.
My advice would be to hang on for a while to this last girl and after some time it hopefully feels better. If not, then probably nothing is wrong with either of you, but the two of you just happened not to be right for each others.
Wish you luck!
...............................
|
