A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've never actually been on a date before despite being my early 20s. I'm OK looking and friendly so I've been asked out, I just haven't wanted to as I am a busy girl.Anyway, I've joined an online dating site for fun and got a fair few offers based on my pics etc... But now I'm not sure I want to have a first date unless it's with a guy I really like, I don't necessarily want to go to some expensive restaurant and have the red carpet treatment of course but I dont just want to grab coffee with a guy for the sake of it either.Am I being over the top to want my first date ever to be nice and memorable? Obviously I am probably not gonna marry the guy lol or even get in a relationship with him necessarily.. I just want it to be special! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 February 2017):
 Yeah I think you have built this so much up in your head that you will end up being really disappointed. You need to meet someone to know if you like them. So coffee really is a good start.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2017): Sorry, but first dates are not normally magical, special and earthmoving! They are often nerve wrecking, full of embarassment and awkward- just like first time sex!!But that's part of the whole package of dating. You'll date guys that you never want to see again, you'll date guys you wished you'd never met. But you'll meet guys you get on with well yet there's no spark, you'll meet guys who you fancy like mad but are boring. All first dates are surprises. And, if I'm honest, if a first date goes the way you are hoping, I would think the guy is likely to be a professional first dater looking for the next notch on his bed post!Instead of chasing that magical first date, try hoping for a genuinely magical third or fourth date, something that can be planned between a new couple enjoying their time together. And enjoy the ride that is 'first dating' without the pressure you're putting on yourself, it'll be much more fun!
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A
female
reader, Campari Milano +, writes (26 February 2017):
Try not looking at meeting someone for the first time as your first date!
You are just meeting them!
If it goes well discuss what you might like to do on your first date, while you're having coffee!
I STRESS if it goes WELL! Don't come on too strong!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2017): haha, yes you are being over the top and I think you know it.
Also I think your prolonged learning of romances from movies and/or books (and not reality) is influencing your view...
...really, a subtle, low-key coffee date can be one of the most romantic things on earth if it is the right person.
A first date is not a piece of jewellry, there to be flashy, it is best when distractions are minimal and the focus is getting to know another person.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 February 2017):
 I think going for coffee is actually a good idea. You say you don't want to date someone unless you like them, BUT you kind of have to meet them get to know them BEFORE you know if you like them enough to pursue anything at all.
And frankly? going on a nice "romantic" dinner with a stranger can end up being SUPER awkward if you don't feel an interest, spark, attraction - which would be EASY to glean over a cup of coffee. And if there IS a MUTUAL interest you CAN have that "first" date after a shorter coffee date.
So really? I wouldn't dismiss a cup of coffee.
I have been on a couple of dates where there just were NOTHING there. One was a disastrous blind date and one was a set-up date. BOTH could easily have been avoided if we had met over a cup of coffee.
So the notion that the FIRST date HAS to be special sounds like you have been watching to make rom-com movies.
I'd DEFINITELY rather have a special and spectacular "second" date than sitting for hours over food with someone you just don't get, aren't interested in and you just can't wait to GTFO of there...
Now IF you want to get "technical" meeting up for coffee is NOT really a date. It's a mutual checking each other out. Seeing if there is a REASON to have a "first" date.
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