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female
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anonymous
writes: When a boyfriend takes a "guys night out" and the guys go to a stripclub, do they think any less of their girlfriend when they come back? Do they compare the girls they see to their girlfriend? Is there any good way to suggest to my boyfriend that he shouldn't go to these places? We have been together for 5 months and as far as I know he has only gone once and he is always honest about where he goes. Feedback (especially from guys who have had a g/f and gone there) would be helpful!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): It depends on the type of relationship you want. How often does he go out? Do you'll go to parties/clubs together? Is he seemingly bored/uncomfortab;e when you do? But fine in every other situation? I have seen couples that go out on the occasional 'girls/boys' night out...healthy...have seen one go other stay home...works if both parties are okay...but if either person is unhappy about the situation, then it needs to be discussed. there are no right or wrong answers, just what you feel...try asking yourself 'why' it bothers you, and talk over 'CALMLY' with boyfriend...hope it works out
i've been there
uk
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2006): I am in the ame situation as you...in the same boat. I have some insecurities about trust and my self-image. My boyfriend of 3years feels he hasn't had alot of freedom. Like going and hanging out with his buddies with out a problem, going to strip clubs(which he hasn't yet), drinking and going to parties without me. Why does my boyfriend feel it is okay to go to a party without me? I think that is wrong. That leaves him to be looking for something. He would appear single. Regardless if he was just going to see some friends. He has limited close friendships with guys bc he has had the same friends since he was in 3rd grade. I get really nervous about him being in place with other girls. And with strip clubs, it would make me unappreciated to know that my guy is going with his buddies( so what!) to see these attractive girls/women. I mean it makes me feel like I am not good enough. Can anyone gives me some advice?
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female
reader, StarNews +, writes (27 December 2005):
 Instead of asking everyone else what they think about it, you really need to be asking yourself how you feel. Only you know if you can tolerate this or not.
Dont be afraid to tell him what you want from a relationship. If this one doesnt work, learn from it, and remember you have the right to your opinion, needs and expectations. If you discuss it from the start, then you can make a decision whether you want to continue a relationship with this person or not. Youre better off to communicate from the beginning, than to assume what the other person is thinking, then have to end it in heartache after investing time with this person. How you feel is important, and remember you have a voice and always express your needs. If someone loves you they will take the time to listen and respect how you feel.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005):
I would not go because I need an intellectual connection (even an imagined one!) to a girl to find her attractive.
But I have had plenty of buddies involve me in their pre-planning and after action reports. I have not heard any of these guys (like 50+) do any comparing. There is no "gee I wish my Besty had boobs like that chick Destiny!"
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2005): YES I THINK THAT THEY THINK LESS AND DO COMPARE. IF THEY FEEL THAT THEY HAVE TO GO TO THE STRIP CLUB, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG. INSTEAD OF CUSSING HIM OUT AND KICKING HIM OUT, DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING AND DO WHAT HE DOES LIKE GOING TO THE CLUB, SMELLING LIKE OTHER MEN, AND REST ASSURE, HE WILL STOP GOING AND HIS WAYS WILL CHANGE. IF IT DOESN'T WORK, LEAVE.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2005): Let your partner know you feel uncompfortable with this, dont tell him to stop going just make sure he understands that its hurting you. If i found out my bf was at a strip club i would be very upset and if he even thought about going to it more then just the once off time with the boys i would consider it flirting. And i know guys look at the girls at strip clubs completely different to how they look at their girlfriends but this still does not change the fact that its hurtful and in some cases can make use loose alot of self confidence. Im sure if your man loves you enough he will understand this, but you have to tell him how you feel because his not a mind reader and he might continue going to a strip club thinking your ok with this because you have said nothing to make him think other wise.good luck
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female
reader, Bestfrend +, writes (28 November 2005):
If you love something set it free if it is yours it will come back to you!
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (28 November 2005):
 I don't believe it to be a sign of insecurity to state that if a man is happy in his relationship, then he doesn't have a need to go to a strip club. I mean, he has a girl at home who he loves, fancies, etc.
You have received a mixed bag of responses here but I am of the opinion that he wouldn't like it too much if you went to a strip club and got turned on by the guys there and then returned home to jump on him! (okay, don't get me wrong, he may love you jumping on him but would he so much if he knew the true source of your arousal which basically wouldn't be him?)
A male opinion here would be good to find out whether men do compare these women to their girlfriends or whether they just put such women in a different category altogether which I suspect is the case.
The best thing to do is to tell your boyfriend how you feel, that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Obviously telling him in no uncertain terms not to go would be somewhat controlling but expressing your feelings could only help with this issue.
Good luck.
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female
reader, FudgemallowDelight +, writes (28 November 2005):
i do agree that it is good that your boyfriend tells you and becuase of this the evry last thing you should do is get angry! just ask him why he feels he needs to go and tell him it hurts you a little bit that he'd want to. say it in a nice way and show him that you're not goingt o stop him but you are just a little conerned ... i would be very upset and angry if my boyfriend went toa strip club .... i think it is a horrible thing to do when you are in a relationship and i bet he wouldnt like you going out watching men strip of and try and turn you on would he?but like i say, dont get mad or he may well go and do it to get at you or evenm worse, go and not tell you about it!good luck
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female
reader, louiseBaker +, writes (28 November 2005):
To say that the girls are dirty or to be jealous of men going to these clubs is in my mind very primative. There is nothing to be jealous of..its just a bit of titilation and hardly like going to a brothel. The men can't touch the girls and the girls aren't there to have sex. Basically they just do a bit of provocative dancing and its a bit of silly fun. Lots of women go to these places with their blokes. You cannot expect to go out with a man and that he won't look at another woman or get turned on..i mean if you see a fit bloke you might ogle him or get a bit of a turn on..but it doesn't mean that you going to jump into bed with him. If you trust someone you don't need to get jealous of them appreciating a pretty woman's body..its just natural..if you get too insecure you're just going to end up loosing a guy coz it will drive him mand. The fact that your boyfriend tells you that he is going to these places is a really good sign..wot would you rather he did..lie to you and go on the sneak?
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female
reader, louiseBaker +, writes (28 November 2005):
Why don't you go with him one night? its actually really good fun, i used to be a waitress in a lapdancing club and its really just a bit of a laugh when guys go, after all the girls are only interested in making as much money as possible and aren't really into the guys although its their job to make them feel like the best thing since sliced bread!!
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reader, Angel-lee +, writes (28 November 2005):
Hello, i am sure he doesnt compare you to these girls but i wouldnt like it if my boyfriend went to one. I have been with my man for two years and if he said that he was going or had been to a strip club i wouldnt be happy at all but then my boyfriend doesnt like those places anyway, he thinks that the girls are dirty and that its only old men who cant get laid that go to them, well thats what he tells me. From a womens point of view i dont agree with it, i think it is the same as going out and flirting with another women but that is my personal view. I dont see why men should want to go and see these girls strip if they are happy with their girlfriends but again thats my personal opinion. I would try talking to your partner about this, dont fly off the handle but ask him why he feels it is neccesary to go to these places if he is happy with you and that it makes you uncomfortable, sometimes friends can have a big effect on what guys do on a lads night out. For instance, i get on very well with my boyfriends friends, infact they are my friends too but a couple of months ago we all went to town for a night out, me my partner and 5 of his mates (all of which are single) and they were saying "come on, lets just go in for a few drinks) it didnt bother me but i noticed that it did have an effect on boyfriend, he didnt want to go in but he didnt want his friends thinking less of him. He didnt go in there in the end. There was also a woman outside handing out leaflets which didnt help and she was pressurising me to go in there too, i told her i wasnt interested but she still kept on so i just told her to get out of my face, it doesnt help when your friends pressurise you and some stupid sales person on the door either. Just tell him how you feel, if he loves you and cares about you then he would understand why you are worried. good luck
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