A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Here is my dilemma. My boyfriend and I have an amazing relationship and I think he is the person I am going to be marrying, but recently I just can't get past this issue. To make a long story short, my boyfriend had too much to drink one night and made a comment about how his hairdresser thinks he's really attractive. I thought that was an odd thing to say so I ask, "why did you say that." He said he hadn't actually dated her...which was even more odd. So, of course I was like, " wow, you slept with her and you still go to her." We are nothing but honest with one another so he admitted to the fact that he slept with his hairdresser maybe 2 years ago, but she still cuts his hair...ONCE A MONTH! I need to know if I am in the wrong here? I trust him completely, but he made the mistake of bringing her up and alluded to something strange, so he forced me to ask him is he had sex with her. Now, because of this its all I can think about. He really isn't trying to understand my feelings. What do you think? Am I wrong to feel this way? Should he get a new hairdresser? I need alot of men's opinions because I want to know how it would feel if you found out your girlfriend had sex with her hairdresser, and still continued to use them every week?HELP PLEASE! I don't know what to do or how to make him understand my feelings.THANKS! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can' t thank you all enough! All of these responses made me feel so much more comfortable, because as you know...when your in the relationship sometimes you can't admit that the other person really isn't completely in the wrong. In this instance we were both wrong, he shouldn't have brought her up, but I also shouldn't have pried. The past is the past for a reason, so thank you al for allowing me to understand something I always preached. I love him with all my heart and stupid arguments like this are not worth our happiness together. I trust him and us and with the help of you all I really feel ok about this silly situation. I have to say that TEM really hit the point home for me and I realized that I can still run into people I slept with a long time ago and have 100% zero attraction and feelings for them, so my boyfriend can too.Life is too short to get hung up on the little things!!! Enjoy every moment. Thank you all again for putting my mind at ease. After talking about this with my boyfriend he understands where I am coming from, but he has had the same stylist for 13 years and wants to keep her. He initially said he would find a new one if that is what it is going to take for me to be at peace. But after telling one another how much we love eachother I realize I am super confident, and do trust him 200% so I said to keep the hairdresser, I'm ok with it.Thanks to all!!!! I really can't thank you all enough.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): I think I could understand how you feel. It's as if your bf and his hairdresser share a dirty little secret. It's as if there's an intimacy that shouldn't be there between a hairdresser and client. He probably doesn't think it's a big deal, since he's not bothered by it. But, your bf should realize that his relationship with you and your peace of mind, is worth far more than him continuing to go to this hairdresser.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 March 2011):
 While I don't think there's any threat here, I can see where you're coming from. I agree this would make me uncomfortable as well. Have you tried talking to him about it? I mean it seems pretty reasonable to me that he just find a new hair person. It seems a bit suspicious to me that he's reacting so strongly to this suggestion. I don't think he'd sleep with her, but it seems like he's still enjoying the thrill of being around someone he slept with and having her rub his scalp.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): Personally, I would be uncomfortable in this situation, too. There are plenty of hairdressers in the world who can cut his hair just the way he likes, yet he continues going to her. It would be so simple for him to find someone else!I think you should express to your boyfriend just one time how this makes you feel. Tell him the fact that he sees her every week when he has other options. Tell him you aren't jealous, but you're not sure that his hairdresser's intentions with him are good. It's not him you don't trust, it's her and why she'd agree to sleep with her clientele (doctors, dentists, lawyers, heck! any professions don't do that for good reason!). If he says he likes the way she cuts his hair and he wants to keep going to her, then say, "Ok, I just wanted to let you know how I feel." Then drop it. It's not against the law for him to have her cut his hair, and if that's all that's between them now, then you're in good shape.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (29 March 2011):
 I really don't think this is something to get real worked up over. Hairdressers are in the cosmetology business. It's their business to help others look good. That's what they do for a living, and if they are to be successful, they need to set a good example. They're all about looks, period. Your boyfriend was drunk and bragging about a conquest, as guys sometimes do. Granted, he shouldn't have been doing that with you, but you did push him on it, so I think you have to give him a pass on this one.Your boyfriend was attracted to her and had a fling with her before you were involved with him. Obviously he realized that she wasn't for him, or he would have continued seeing her. He is with you now, and I imagine it's for much more substantial reasons - like you are the one he wants to share his life with.He still goes to her once a month because he likes the way she cuts his hair. That's all. If you force the issue with your boyfriend he is going to think you are insecure in the relationship. Are you? You said you have an amazing relationship. Trust in that, and trust your boyfriend to do the right thing. He'll appreciate it.
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