A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am sexually active with my bf of 9 months. Last night we had sex and he pulled out and jizzed all over me. He's never done that before. We use birth control and he didn't need to do that. I got mad because he didn't ask first. He says he shouldn't have to ask before doing every little thing in bed and I should relax because sometimes things are just spontaneous. Is he right? Is it ok to try new things without discussing it or am I right to be upset? I would have done it for him but felt disrespected. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle  +, writes (17 October 2008):
He's done it now, and he knows you didn't like it so maybe next time he will ask. I'd personally hate it, I hate the smell of it. What's kinky about pulling out and squirting warm, sticky, smelly stuff all over someone?
A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (4 October 2008):
I agree with Mark25. My boyfriend has asked me first and then based on what he knew i was comfortable with was spontaneous. That was just one of your boyfriends fantisies that he wanted to be statisfied and he should have asked not every girl likes sperm on them. I think that your boyfriend was being selfish and that he tried to make you feel bad for his fault. You might want to rethink if he is selfish outside the bedroom also.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): If you are going to be sexually active... you need to learn that most men love to be spontaneous and kinky. This is totally normal for him to want to do this.
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A
male
reader, Mark25 +, writes (4 October 2008):
 To be honest with you I disagree with the two previous comments. There is nothing wrong in being spontaneous when it comes to sex but there are limitations and what your boyfriend did crossed the line. It was rude and ignorant to you. Not all women like being ejaculated on and for him to do that without asking is unacceptable. He did disrespect you. His attitude needs looking at as well. I felt, reading by what you've written, that he sees you as a sex object or a piece of meat to do whatever he wants with. He shouldn't have to ask?! The man needs a serious lesson in etiquette and respect.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (3 October 2008):
 I completely agree with xKx.
In a secure relationship, it should be okay to try new things without discussing it - WITHIN REASON. It should also be okay for you to say, "whoa, next time why don't you give me a little warning!" or simply say, "I'm really uncomfortable with that...".
If you're not into spontaneity in the bedroom, just let him know that you don't like being surprised.
I'm sorry that his move didn't go over that well with you. It's a little messy, but still can be fun (for me, at least). I always make my boyfriend towel me off after wards, and it has turned into a fun post-sex event. We have fun during towel time. We talk, we laugh, he is sweet... good times.
Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, xKx__  +, writes (3 October 2008):
Honestly. I use birth control too, but everytime me and my boyfriend have sex he pulls out, yes its messy but you get used to it.But sometimes it's really hot to be spontaneous, I love if my boyfriend just does something new. But if that made you feel uncomfortable then just tell him so, and maybe for somethings he should ask if you'd be comfortable with the things he wants to try.
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