A
male
age
36-40,
*lias me
writes:Is it OK to have an affair with someone when I am single?I don't know the girls boyfriend but I know they have been together for over 3 years.She has been really coming on to me recently and I know something could happen if I initiate it. My friends are telling me to do it, that I wouldn't be in the wrong. They tell me that I wouldn't be having an affair and that its OK do it because I don't know her boyfriend. I am not sure I still think it would make me a bad person to do it, it's racking my brain at the moment I feel conflicted.Is it ok to have an affair when your single?
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female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (30 December 2013):
 I've been you in the past and let me tell you.... Yes its the worst idea. Do not go through with it! I didn't know the girl that he was seeing and I carried on even though I knew he was with someone. He said he would choose me yada yada yada. Anyways after months of sneaking around I ended it cos he wouldn't leave, then she found out and turned out I was messing about with a complete nut job psycho!!! All the while I was completely hurting that he wouldn't choose me. Wouldn't be coming home to me! 3 lives ruined just for a little bit of fun! Save yourself from the heartbreak my friend. If you end up with her, what's stopping her from doing the samd thing to you? How are you gonna feel then? Good Luck in whatever you choose x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2013): I was the cheated-on boyfriend in your story a few years ago. I wasn't happy with the other guy but I didn't really blame him. She was a cheater. I later found out she had already cheated before. Sooner or later she would do it again. If it hadn't been that guy then it would have been some other guy eventually.
I would have been a lot more pissed off if he had helped cause the problem. Like if she had been a faithful GF up until then and he worked hard to coax her over the line for the first time.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 December 2013):
Don't be a mug. Remember, if you like someone who is willing to cheat, you may well end up marrying one and not seeing the signs (i.e one day you might love someone who goes on to cheat, because you'll like the characteristics of a cheat). This can be nothing but mad. Oh, and if you don't know the boyfriend, you hardly want someone who's nuts knocking at your door when he finds out. He could be a nasty piece of work.
Too many risks here for a quick bit with some woman. I'd rather find a nice single woman, keep my morals intact and know I did a lot better than someone who was willing to use me.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (30 December 2013):
 do you believe in karma, my friend?
enough said.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (30 December 2013):
You would be making a moral transgression, but nowhere near as severe as the girlfriend. She has a moral obligation to him far greater than yours.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 December 2013):
 This is pretty much what I told a single woman who asked a similar question some months ago.
No, it would not be ok to have an affair while you're single. You may not have made a commitment to anyone but you're a party to the social contract that binds us all. That is to treat others as we want them to treat us.
You'd be just as guilty as the girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 December 2013):
 You ask: "Is it ok to have an affair when your single?"
I prefer to ask YOU: Is it OK to kick your dog because you are single?
Do you really believe that you can justify having an affair? If "yes," then you are a champion at deluding yourself.... and justifying whatever behaviour you KNOW is "wrong" .... but you want to try because it feels good at the moment...
Don't ask me to validate you....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 December 2013):
 You would be an accomplice to cheating. Why is this attractive? If you were interested in starting something with her that's more than pure no-strings sex, why would you choose someone who betrays and sleeps around on a guy she professes to love? Would you want a girl you loved to do that to you??
Not only that, but say she's caught, and her boyfriend happens to become an enraged psycho upon the news that you're "banging" his girlfriend? Sorry to be crude, but getting your teeth knocked out or worse would be less pleasurable than her serving herself to you on a silver platter.
Finally, really? Even if you're only out for a little fun, there are a LOT of single women who want to have fun as well. There's no such thing as "no strings" when it comes to a woman with a boyfriend. If she left her boyfriend to become more permanent with you, the relationship trust would be shattered from the start, weakening and imperiling that relationship.
And what does it say about you?? Who would trust a man who has no respect for commitment, even if it's not your commitment? Who would trust you? If you don't respect her relationship with someone else, why would you respect her, or any relationship you're in with anyone? Even the question "is it okay to have an affair when you're single" shows a disregard for the seriousness of commitment. Contrary to this potential cheater woman, most women spot a player a mile away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2013): It may not make you a cheater, but speaking from experience, I don't think it's something you will end up being proud of.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2013): Of course not. I think you know it's wrong but are hoping the people on here will say it's ok.
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A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (30 December 2013):
If she's coming on to you then someone should have a quiet word in her boyfriend's ear if she's thinking of cheating.It's not ok to have an affair,it all ends in tears in the end.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 December 2013):
 Why on earth would it be okay?
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A
female
reader, Maccy3 +, writes (30 December 2013):
This comes down to your morals.
Technically your not the one in the wrong - it's her relationship, her commitment she's breaking. But your not making yourself look good either. If your in love with her or want a relationship - well would you ever really trust her if she did leave her man knowing how she can stray? Your settling for scraps at another man's table, which is going to mess with your self esteem. Alternatively if you just want sex, then your hurting someone else for something that means nothing to you and if this girl is confused about her relationship, you could be accused of taking advantage of her weak moment. There are plenty of hot girls out there - getting laid is as easy as going to a bar.
Ultimately though, there is no moral police, no one really to judge and (unless you get caught) no direct consequences for you. It's up to your conscience. I sort of get the feeling though that if you were ok with it, you'd be off doing it rather than asking other people to tell you it's ok.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 December 2013):
 No, I don't think it's OK to have an affair with a person who already has a partner. (UNLESS the partner is OK with it and they have an open relationship and he KNOWS)
Why bother getting into such a mess? What if you fall for her? What if she rather stay with her BF? What if she dumps him for you? How long do you think it will last til SHE cheats on you? Or you on her?
How would YOU feel if that girl WAS your GF? And some "Joe Snuffy" started to try and have an affair with YOUR GF? Not so hot is it?
Morally it's still not right, and you know it. That is why it's wracking your brain with conflict.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 December 2013):
 It's ok for you in terms of your not being a cheater.
But put yourself in the boyfriend's position... if you were with a girl who did this to you how would you feel?
IN addition, IF you really like this girl or start really liking her, and you two end up together will you ever trust her not to cheat?
In addition, there are some women who later on, when finding out you were involved with a married partner would find you unacceptable as a partner.
I commend you for questioning your actions in the scenario and I urge you to realize that your moral compass is telling you that it's not a good idea to be a party to an affair even if you are not the one cheating and lying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2013): both parties need to be single!
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