A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is it really ok for a 48 year old (me-female) to go out with a 32 year old (mature/sensible)guy? I don't have a big issue with age gaps but this seems quite a big gap. Is it doomed to end in disaster? I have two grown up daughters and he so far has never been married and has no children. Thoughts appreciated. Has anyone else been in a relationship with such a big age gap?Sophie. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2015): Hello I think its perfectly fine to date someone with a huge age difference I know its not as big but my mom is dating someone 8yrs younger than her and my dad is dating someone 10yrs younger than him too so it didn't matter at least that's my opinion ??
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 December 2015):
 Sorry 15 years is too much.. now 14.75 years is ok.
I'm kidding... my husband is a bit more than 13 years younger than I am
and at a certain age it does not matter.
the only issue is HE may want children if it gets serious and you probably are done with that whole baby thing.
So my advice is to date him but if it starts getting serious at all or he gets wistful about not being with someone who can make a family with him, then you should end it... it's hard to do but sometimes you have to do the painful things
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (23 December 2015):
Hi Sophie,
You can date any man as long as he is of legal age and feels the same way about you."No Nonsense Aidan" makes some very good points...."The reason why large age gaps can be problematic is that people of widely differing ages will have different levels of experience, different expectations and needs in life."
Although those very same things can very exciting :) Take those 15 years and rock his world :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2015): Hello it is the original poster here. Thank you for the reply. Yes he knows I have two grown up daughters and he has said he admires me for bringing them up alone, whilst continuing to study etc etc. We are only in very early stages indeed and are in different cities but will be in the same city in two months but I guess I am 'pre-empting' or doing 'advance harm analysis' or some such. Thanks for your comments - very helpful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2015): I was, but I was 15 years younger than my partner. Double standards. It was easier for everybody to accept my relationship because a man was older, not a woman.We were compatoble as individuals and loved each other very much, but issue of life stages mentioned by No nonsense Aidan was very much the problem and I didn't want to have kids. After two years we wplit up and remained friends. It was not easy, but as the time went by I realized that I am happy where I am.Guys always have an upper hand when a woman is so much older, to be blunt. Exceptions are rare. That does not make them bad, it is just the way it is. We grow older quicker than tehy do. It's biology.Having said that, I'd be with the man I love even if I knew that there may be an "expiration-date" attached to our relationship.Nothing lasts forever and precious few things last long enough to call them a life-time thing. Enjoy it. Be happy that you found teh one you love and that he loves you back :)
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (23 December 2015):
I was about the same age as your friend when I started a 5-year relationship with a woman 13 years my senior. We had a lot of fun together and were a good match on many levels. It was a really nice relationship.
I do think it can cause a problem for him later on when you are at a different life stage at something like 70 and he's 55. But frankly, that's far into the future for you and few relationships last that long, anyway. I hope it works out for you. Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (23 December 2015):
Sophie, the thing about age gaps is that it’s not the age disparity that is the important issue: the important issue is life stages. The reason why large age gaps can be problematic is that people of widely differing ages will have different levels of experience, different expectations and needs in life. That said, the world is made up of individuals. There are no hard and fast rules about younger men, older women or whatever. There is no reason why a mature, sensible younger man won’t be totally compatible with an older woman if they have things in common to a sufficient degree that, with a bit of give and take, they can make it work. If you and this guy think you’re compatible, then age really is just a number and the size of the age gap matters not a jot. I assume he knows and understands that you have grown up kids, and I assume in time you will tell them about him if you haven’t already. Make sure you speak about that if this is getting serious. If you both go in to this with your eyes open and are prepared to work through any problems, whether in your own relationship or problems caused by other people, then it isn’t inevitably doomed at all. Have fun and be happy.
I wish you all the very best.
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