A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First of all, english is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes I could make.I started grad school in September of last year. Almost one year ago, one of my classmates and I started to spend a lot of time together outside school. We never formally dated, but we became really close and spent some intimate times together. We talked a couple of times about the possibility of becoming something more serious, but we always decided not to go for a more formal relationship.We last talked about it in the summer, he said that he liked me but was not sure he wanted to date me, we then decided just to remain as friends. About 3 weeks ago however, we were in my place watching some movies when he started to kiss me. I was really confused and asked him to stop, he did and we continue to hang out, however, we both got really close that day, we cuddle and hug each other several times, he said that he didn't want to leave me and I said that I didn't want him to leave either. We hang out a couple of times that week as well, but some friends wanted to join us so we didn't really have any more private time together.After that week thou, he started to act distant from me and our group of friends. Rushing to places after class, saying he already had plans when we all wanted to spend time togehter. If I asked him where he was going or what plans he had made, he would never give a direct answer.A couple of days ago, he finally confessed to me that he started to date this other girl about 2 weeks ago. I got really sad, jealous and kind of upset about it. I've always liked him but it was not until that night in my place that I started to realize how much. We talked about it, I told him that I like him and all this situation was making me feel really uneasy and jealous. I also told him that I felt that all the time we spent together he was just basically using me.He listened to all I said and apologized for upsetting me. He was also a little shocked and told me that he didn't know I like him so much. He told me that the time he spent with me was because he liked me and that he was not dating or seeing anyone else during that time, but that he had never been sure if he wanted to date me.I understand that he made the decision of not dating me some time ago, I was also aware of this because of our conversations in the past. I also know that this new girl is probably better for him than myself, since she has much more stuff in common with him than me, I'm also an international student, so it's not certain that I'll be able to stay here after we graduate (which will be in about 6 monts), which was an important factor when we decided not to have a relationship, however, I can't help feeling sad about all this.We work togehther for a big school project that will last another 6 months, we see each other every day, we sit and work togehter for about 8 or 9 hours a day... It has been like that since we started grad school. I feel a little hurt and sad, so I'm really scared that I won't be able to get over this soon since I spend most of my time with him. It also scares me the possibility of me acting really grumpy around him which could lead to tension and drama in our team. Is it ok for me to feel like this, or am I overreacting? (considering that I always knew this was a possible outcome of my relationship with this guy) Any suggestions about how to make the time I spend around him less painful for me? Any opinios or suggestions in general?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the fast replies. I feel a little bit better now.
To answer some of the last questions, he is still interested on seeing this girl, so I know that I should move on, but sometimes it feels hard to do so. Thanks everyone for your answers, reading other people's opinions about this situaion has been a great help
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 Hi well first of can i say your english is really good. Well off course it is ok for you to feel like this, i understand that he told you and made you aware that he was unsure of dating you, but at the same time, he tried to kiss you not long ago, that messes somebodys head up and you cant help now but feel jelous.
Its a hard situation for you to be in as you may be deported in 6 months so it is probably best for you that you both didnt get in to a serious relationship because you would both be heartbroken if you were made to leave the country.
It is going to be very difficult for you for the next six months am not going to pretend to you that it is but you just need to deal with it am afraid. Try and maintain the friendship that you have, for the sake of having to work together, but keep it strictly to working together on your project, dont hang out with him outside of the course and try and not be left on your own with him, its only six months so just try and put on a brave face and show him that you are strong.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 You cannot help feeling the way you feel so I do not think you are overreacting.
What is he doing about this? Has he stopped seeing the other girl or has he made it quite apparent that he does not feel the same way?
If he does not reciprocate those feelings you have for him, try to move on to just make things less awkward. You can try to ease the pain you feel by ignoring all the spiteful thoughts you may have about him. Try to get along with him as a friend.
If he DOES reciprocate and if he has left the other girl, I suggest you talk to him about it. Love is unconditional and if your feelings for him are as strong as you say than neither distance nor plain logic will keep you apart. It can still work. You cannot set limits on your relationship because you cannot possibly predict how you will feel later on.
I hope that helps.
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