A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to not want to see him 24/7? I went out with my boyfriend last night... I worked, headed off to class, and then quickly freshened up to go see him. I came home a little past 3:30a.m. Then, I woke up and back to work. Now, I'm tired and just want to be lazy. Also, once in awhile we take a day to spend with friends. Is this healthy in a new relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Normal is what normal is. The society has its own "values" or "norms" imposed on its members. You being one of the latter.
Is it "normal" for a woman to stay home and look after the house and the children?
Is it "normal" for a couple to have a mutually agreed open relationship?
If you and your new b/f can live with the condition that you just described, yes, it is normal. If it works with you, it works for you. If it does not work you, nor for him, then both of you need to talk it out. The "normality" of what you are asking for has to do more with "statistics" or number, not with your own well being and mental healt (like Brit429 said).
Even married couples need some time alone. Why do you think some husbands/men go hiking, or fishing, alone for instance. Or women go for walks in the malls on their own, or meditate and do yoga somewhere?
Just make sure he knows that even when you are not with him physically, he is still in your heart. "Recharging" yourself so to speak ;-)
Cat
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Not only is it normal: it is necessary.
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A
female
reader, sardia +, writes (7 March 2009):
Yes. It is very normal for you to want your alone time. The only thing is if he is a clingy type, you might have a problem. You 2 need to sit down and have a talk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): One time, I saw an episode of DS9 between Bashir and O'Brien, where Bashir remarked to his best friend, that though he (O'Brien) loves his wife, he likes his best friend more.
So yes, you can be in an intimate relationship and still hang out with your friends or lazy about and not see him. I find those that don't have such moderation, pretty scary actually.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): absolutely! it's always easy to want to blow off everyone else to be with your new boyfriend but your friendships are as, if not more, important than your romantic relationships. and you definitely need to take sometime to relax by yourself if that's what it takes to recharge your batteries. it's a tricky balance but it sounds like you're off to a good start.
remember that not everyone enjoys solitary time the same so if you need it be open about that fact and don't be guilted into short-changing yourself. i know i've had that problem in the past. if you don't take time to unwind you'll just get cracky and it will be bad for your bf anyway. better to make the time you spend together fun and quality time :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): I think it is perfectly normal to want time to take care of yourself! There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to spend every minute of every day with the one you love. We all need mental health breaks! Only very needy people want to be with their partner all the time!
You sound like a healthy, normal, practical person!
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