A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to feel like I don't want to kiss my wife? It just makes me feel gross and icky like kissing a sister. Sure, we did kiss once upon a time, but after 10 years together it creeps me out. She doesn't seem to miss it either. She never tries to kiss me either nor has she said anything. Sometimes I miss kissing, but the thought of kissing her is just something that makes me uncomfortable. Once, a woman at work had a crush on me and when dropping me off (she had driven us to lunch) she leaned over and kissed me and it was like a shot of adrenaline and I have to say I enjoyed it and kissed her back. I told her we could never be together (she was also married) and she hated me until the day she quit, but that's another story. The relevant part is that I apparently do still enjoy kissing - just not my wife. Thinking about it makes me feel insecure and awkward and a little grossed out. Don't get me wrong, she's very pretty and I still think she's sexy as hell, but we don't kiss - not even when we have sex. This seems wrong to me, but the fact that my wife seems okay with it makes me think that maybe it's just how some relationships end up after time. I think what bothers me is that if ever my wife and I were to divorce I would definitely kiss my new wife/girlfriend. So why don't I want to kiss my current wife that I love so much? That seems messed up.
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male
reader, Donnie  +, writes (10 May 2016):
I feel the same. But I even don't fancy my wife much now. We have been married 3 years and have had a troubled relationship for over 2 years. I've recently started to realise, that while I am constantly horny and fancy having sex with most hot women, I just don't feel the attraction towards my wife. We do have occasional 'middle of the night' sex, but still don't feel like kissing at all. By the way she is quite hot and pretty. Not sure if it is the issues I have with her over the last couple years with regards to her behaviour, broken promises, etc... Or is it something else, I wonder if this can even be fixed coz, while I am just stretching this l, I don't know how far I could go with it... In spite of whatever I have faced in the marriage, I still don't want to hurt her or see her sad or broken hearted.
A
male
reader, Donnie +, writes (9 May 2016):
I feel the same. But I even don't fancy my wife much now. We have been married 3 years n have had a troubled relationship for over 2 years. N I've recently started to realise, that while I am constantly horny and fancy having sex with most hot women, I just don't feel the attraction towards my wife. We do have occasional 'middle of the night' sex, but still don't feel like kissing at all. N by the way she is quite hot and pretty. Not sure if it is the issues I have with her over the last couple years with regards to her behaviour, broken promises, etc... Or is it something else, n wonder if this can even be fixed coz, while I am just streching this l, I don't know how far I could go with it... In spite of whatever I have faced in the marriage, I still don't want to hurt her or see her sad or broken hearted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): Came across this and it sounds exactly what my husband seems to be going though. He never wants to kiss me! When he does it's a peck close mouth kiss , like one you'd give your grandma or something, although I don't kiss anyone on the mouth other than my husband it's still a detached kiss , hopefully you all get what Im saying. I'm writing thus incase this is you, j, yes it bothers me very much. And if this is you please talk to me honestly like you have done here. If this isn't my hubby my advice to you is to go to marriage counseling ASAP as this is what I want to do. It's def. A disconnect of intimacy and passion atleast is with our marriage.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 January 2012):
 I'm sorry I find it disconcerting that you not only do not want to kiss your wife but that basically you are repulsed by it.
while we don't kiss during sex we kiss A LOT during the regular day... granted we are not together as long as you but if he ever stopped kissing me I would know he no longer cares.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (15 January 2012):
 I don't care for kissing myself, but I don't see myself enjoying kissing any future partner, nor do I see it as "gross" or compare it to kissing a sibling.
Is it just kissing that you have an issue with, or do you have problems with make-out sessions, and sex as well? Do you feel icky only when french kissing, or even little pecks on the lips, or the face? How long have you been feeling this way?
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A
male
reader, angelluvr +, writes (15 January 2012):
Just ask yourself this very important question...if you have stopped kissing your wife...what are going to stop next? SEX? Kissing is an important part of a relationship. It doesnt have 2 be a 15 minute deep french kiss everytime..but a quick peck on the lips tells your wife that you find her appealling...also, if your not doing the kissing of the wife, maybe someone else is...with all the things that you find "icky"!!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (15 January 2012):
 This is a very good question/observation. My first two marriages, way back in my youth, lasted only about a year each. Kissing remained very much a part of foreplay and sex. But my third marriage of about 20 years eventually became more of a partnership, and deep friendship. Kissing of the french and tongue variety did not seem so necessary. There was always a lot of smooching, and kissing of body parts - neck, cheeks, genitals, inner thighs, breasts, etc. - but long and erotic french kissing, like early in a relationship, seemed unnecessary.
Gradually, during that 20 year love affair, the french kissing simply slipped away as a needed part of arousal, though occasional. We each knew how to otherwise rev-up the other - with me, as a man, most always ready - and her via cunnilingus. So, perhaps kissing of the early dating sort diminishes sometime during a lasting marriage. I don't think it unusual.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Its definitely not normal, and the way you've worded your post, it seems that all is not right.
Kissing is intimate, I would say even more intimate than the act of sex. Kissing someone you love comes out of a passion for them, and if you don't like kissing your wife, then there is something wrong.
And not just for the kiss part, but the way you've written, "what bothers me is that if ever my wife and I were to divorce I would definitely kiss my new wife/girlfriend". Where did that come from? That means that in a way you do think of kissing other women, which again is obvious from the kiss with that other woman.
Look OP, all is not right within your marriage. Somewhere down the line things have fizzled out and the relationship has lost its spark. You are both comfortable in each other's presence, but the heat, the passion is missing. You need to work on it if you want this marriage to last. Somewhere subconsciously you have started thinking about other women, and that is not right, either for your wife or for your marriage.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 I think kissing is overrated. Kissing is what people do when they want to be intimate without jumping into sex. Kissing is part of the dating ritual when the relationship is new and we're still learning about each other. It can be a huge building block that we base opinions on about each other in the early phases of romance but is it necessary to continue that level of passionate kissing years into the marriage? I seriously doubt anyone does. After the relationship has reached a place where the love is there and you have a good thing going, kissing becomes more of a greeting. I kiss my spouse when I'm leaving for the day, but it's just a quick little kiss on the lips. It's not this overblown, tongue job. And rarely have I ever enjoyed kissing while I'm having sex. That's for the big screen. As long as you are still attracted to your wife and your sex life is good, I think you can relax. And luckily you did the right thing by brushing off the co-worker who crossed the line.
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