A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been married for 23yrs thought everything was ok, 4yrs ago i found out that my h/b had been cheating not just once but all though our marriage on and off.To cut a long story short we stayed together to work out what went wrong he said he was sorry for all the pain he caused and things did get better for a while,i cant and still have not got over what happened the last 3 years i have been in a womens refudge 3 times as he has turned very nasty an agressive i know that i should leave him for good but he says it never happen again and it does i know you are going to say it s my fault for staying being in a refudge is not nice and im so alone i have no friends or family i could turn to for help,i have no confidence and no self worth i just wish i was i would go to sleep and never wake up.We are about to lose our home as im no longer working and cant keep up with the morgage i get blamed for this as i used to gamble and did get us in a mess but he was cheating well before i started gambling,we row about his cheating i say he would still be doing it and he only stopped cos he got caught,he says that not true but i say how come you did nt stop until i found out,i dont think he is sorry only that he was caught.I dont love him anymore but i have got strong feelings and he has told me to get out when i go to pack some stuff he then starts crying and says how sorry he is, i am afraid of him so give in then it calms down, i have no where to go but thinking im better off on the streets im such a fool and in a right mess.Im on sleeping tablets and anti depressants but they not helping much.Thank you for reading,My advice to any one who partner says it will never happen again is dont belive them cos it will
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 In the refuge there will be people who will be able to help you get your life back together. You will have access to councelling and a social worker. They may even be able to organise some legal representation for you.
I think you need to go back there, but this time, instead of returning to the toxic environment which is your home, stay there until you have a network of support in place and move out into something on your own.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Hi,
I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time in your life. I think that since you said you don't love your husband anymore, you should stop asking him or talking about the past affairs and the cheating. To me, what's important now is to put your life together. You are still young and have a full life ahead and shouldn't just feel sorry for yourself. Just know that many people go through horrible experiences but what's important is to get up and continue living life the best way you can. What's happened in the past is done and right now there's nothing you can do to change, I think you suffer enough and re-living the past, thinking about the affairs and cheating will only cause more pain and not solve anything. I know you can't help or control how you feel and your mind, but in the beginning you need to be strong and push yourself. You mentioned that you don't have a job or anywhere to go, so you need to stay with him until you start being able to support yourself on your own. If the medication is not helping you, go to the doctor and ask to change prescription, there are many brands and I am sure you can find one that can help. But, remember you cannot get addicted to prescription pills, just take now because I know you cannot handle everything on your own. Even if you don't have a job, get up early in the morning, take a shower, make yourself look good, and look through newspaper or go to job replacement agencies to help get a job. Doing those things will make you feel better, give you energy, and clear your mind. Like I said, you are still young, you can find a job, move to a studio, find love, make new friends... It's up to you, it will be hard in the beginning to get motivation, but you need to push yourself, and eventually without you even notice it will become normal and life will become normal again... We all go through difficult experiences, but life must go on, and as much as it painful, it's mostly in your head, you are the victim, but it's up to you to continue being a victim. If you look around, nothing has changed, nobody is judging you, so you are your own enemy and you are the only one stopping you for living your life. You can change your life, you deserve to be happy like any one else, the world belongs to you just like it belongs to everybody else. Please, be strong, know that there's always hope....
Best wishes/good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): if you cant forgive and he has turned violent you need to get out and fast,the cheater will always turn it around its everyone else s fault but theirs
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