A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I am 19 years old and since i was 16 i am having sex. I have experienced a lot of sex and generally i think i am good at it. My only problem is that i cant come. The only way i come in sex and i really mean the ONLY way is when me or the other one plays with my clitoris. Everytime i have sex i have to fake the orgasms because i dont want the other one to think i have some kind of a problem. Now i am in a relationship and my boyfriend knows that i like him touching my clitoris but doesnt know that i come only in this way. The good thing is that he does it or i do it everytime but my question is: is there anything wrong with me??? why i dont seem to be able to come in any other way?? 3 years now i never came in any other way....
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfirst of all thank you all very much. it is good to know that nothing is wrong with me. generally i feel very good when we have sex. even sometimes i feel i might come!!! is just that it never happened with vaginal sex or oral sex. only if he rubs my clitoris we do it. i feel like a fool to go and tell him after 8 months of a loving relationship that half times i faked. i guess i can just stop faking and ask him everytime we have sex to do what can make me come.
A
female
reader, starismine1  +, writes (4 September 2008):
 your very normal and most women are like yourself. Let your boyfriend know this so he can give you satisfaction the way you desire it, there are many ways he can do this, as you can imagine. Always feel it's okay to tell him, and if he gets insulted or takes it like he isn't doing his "job" right, let him know that it isn't anything he's doing wrong, most women are like you. He can focus more on your clitoris when you have sex ...never never let yourself give up on getting the pleasure you desire by just letting him just have his. Talk about all this with him and ask him to do what gives you pleasure...you don't need to feel guilty about it...you deserve as much sexual fulfillment as he does. Sex is not about making a guy happy sexually so that he'll want to date you. It's about sexually fulfilling yourself as well. If doesn't care about doing this, then he isn't a caring, devoted guy who truly wants to make you happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): You are actually more normal than not normal. Most women have trouble orgasming during vaginal sex without some other stimulation. My wife is like that and so were other girlfriends. Many women can only orgasm with oral sex. One of my past girlfriends was like that. Fortunately, I liked that a lot and she was happy. My wife's best orgasms are with oral sex, but she can orgasm if I lick her ear in the missionary position or she rubs her clit in the doggy position. Her ear is very sensitive when she is aroused. Perhaps you have a sensitive spot that he can access in some position. A lot of times I give my wife 2 or 3 oral orgasms and then we just have intercourse in differint positions, without the additional stimulation. It still feels good to her and she is happy with only the oral orgasms.
Don't fake an orgasm. When you do that then your partner will think that everything is great and that there is nothing to change. You need to communicate and experiment to find what works the best. To improve the situation you are going to have to tell him that you sometimes fake an orgasm and tell him that you want to be more open and try to find ways to make the sex more enjoyable for the both of you. You are still young. It took me a long time to learn the tricks and get things right. I'm still learning and I'm over 60. I love to practice and learn. :D
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (4 September 2008):
 Good communication is the key to good sex. Be honest with your guy about what turns you on. Tell him frankly what you need, and he'll give it freely. Get him in the habit of getting you to climax. Even help him along if you have to. But by all means don't be shy about letting him know what gets you there. As he gets to know your body better and gets better at doing the things that turn you on, you'll probably find that it is actually easier for you to get turned on by a wider variety of things, as well. But don't worry about that. Just be sure that he knows what you need and gives it to you. That's the key.
By the way, your condition is NOT unusual at all. In fact, there are some women who even have trouble reaching orgasm quite often even with intense clitoral stimulation ... they just don't make it no matter WHAT they do. So count yourself lucky that you do have the key to your own sexual release, and that you can share it with your guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you and many, MANY women find it hard to come in different ways. And there are a lot of women who don't orgasm from penetration. I'm one of them. You are perfectly normal. Don't feel as though you should fake an orgasm. It's very rare for a woman to come every single time she has sex. Those who do are VERY lucky. If you tell your boyfriend that you find it hard to come anyother way then he will know what pleases you and work on that. You will find that you are being a lot more satisfied more often and that you do not feel pressured about orgasming and pressured into faking an orgasm during sex, which could add a little disscomfort for you. Just let him know what pleases you... And he will please you... Instead of him thinking something else pleases you when it doesn't.
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A
female
reader, squiggle  +, writes (3 September 2008):
don't worry I used to have the same problem. But one day it went away. I found it impossible to climaz any other way and the way I learnt to deal with it was not to fake it but just to give my partner a helping hand (no pun intended) and nudge his hand towards wherever I wanted it to go. You don't have to say anything just say thats what feels best. My boyfriend asks me what feels best now we know each others bodies better. Ask him what feels best next time you're both having sex and when he answers do whatever it is he says felt best and when you feel like dropping it in or he asks you tell him. He won't think its weird most men love touching and feeling. Hope this helps
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