A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey, i need to know if it's normal to lose all interest in sex when you have a baby, as it's becoming an issue btwn me and my fiancee.We've been together 2yrs, very happy, engaged and live together. Usually sex was fun, satisfying spontaneous and every few days, right up until my 38th week of pregnancy, with each of us iniating things at different times, and lots of other physical affection:hugs, hand holding, etc.This is our 1st baby, the birth went fine, i had no surgery or stitches and am breast feeding.Problem is i feel so distant from my bf now. He still compliments me but i don't feel attractive as i'm always exhausted and have sore boobs. He is working shifts full time and i am on temporary leave from work to be a stay at home mum for now. I fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes and make an effort to look nice and to treat my bf well (cooking for him, going for family walks together) but i just can't bring myself to kiss him/be physically intimate.Our baby is 4 months old and sleeps in a cot in our room. Up until 2 months ago, we were intimate (me giving him bjs) but i didn't want him touching my boobs or down below as both were sore. I also felt awkward knowing our baby was in the same room (allbeit asleep). I explained i didn't want to be touched in certain areas and he was ok with it, but the last time we were intimate, he literally ripped my knickers off and i had to push his hands away over and over:(We've had no physical intimacy since, just the odd hug or peck on the cheek. He keeps saying he wants to see me naked, to feel our skin touching. I don't! I still feel exhausted and unattractive and don't have lustful feelings to him or anyone.I think it's just cos i'm tired from breast feeding 24/7, and i do still love him, so am hopeful the lust side will return when i eventually get more sleep-do you think i'm right? I can't see any other reason for me to have lost the lust. Sometimes i wonder if i should just fake it to keep him happy:( What should i do? I've tried talking to him so many times! Thanks.
View related questions:
boobs, engaged, fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 totally normal... and as long as you are nursing it will continue to some degree.
my husband (then) used to come home after my being home with two nursing kids all day and would go to touch me and I would be touched out and I would say "you can touch be above the shoulders or below the knees.. the rest is off limits"
the baby is young... give it time.
A
male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (18 February 2013):
I'm not a woman so I can only answer annecdotaly (sorry about spelling). From my hearings, sex is the LAST thing on a womans mind after kids.
I think as time passes you will return somewhat to your "normal" self.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): Well your fiance certainly sounds like a wonderful and loving guy! Poor guy, he even has to tell you that he wants to see you naked. You do realize you have a wonderful guy on your hands? He still finds you very sexy and wants you in every possible way.
Men are simple creatures. You have to explain to him how you physically/emotionally feel. Otherwise he will feel rejected and hurt.
Cuddle him still lots. He needs love too you know. He's like your second baby. You have to nurture him too. You must love him, no? You have to force yourself to give him some type of love. Doesn't have to be sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): "he literally ripped my knickers off and i had to push his hands away over and over"
Talk about pushy!!! That is not going to bring you closer to him, its going to drive you away because its bordering on assault!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): Completely normal, especially after having a baby and still enduring no sleep. It won't be like this forever but it does take time. Don't worry.
...............................
A
female
reader, Eteeluv  +, writes (17 February 2013):
It normal is not odd maybe he is given u time to rest
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): They say once you fall off a horse to get right back on but with sex, i'd say take your time. Don't fake it please and don't feel pressured to jump back into all!! Take your time and do it at your own pace, you'll be happier in the long run that way.There are so many factors after having a baby why you may not want to be close or touched .... its sore, you are worned out and the baby is close by. All very natural reasons. After being sore, its part fear not wanting to be touched too in case it hurts. There are also hormones affecting you and for me, i don't want anything i feel pressured to do. Boyfriend is just going to have to understand that after a baby everything changes .... physical, emotional and even pyschologically. Ask him for time and to extend the intamcy in other ways, maybe you just want to be held or hold hands. A million little touches, looks and gestures that have nothing to do with foreplay and sex. I can understand if you don't want to be close to him with the fear of him wanting sex, you want him to want you with or without sex right now. I'd say don't push away his hand, hold it tight and talk!! What you are going through is perfectly normal though some may argue baby blues, just go at your own pace. I breastfed and was sore for the first 6 months after giving birth, i most certainly did not want sex. I didn't feel at all sexual until the year mark after baby. That is when me and my husband started having sex again, for us that was normal and natural. Maybe it'll will take you less time, maybe it will take you more time ..... just don't rush, talk talk talk, and make sure he knows how you'd like to be supported.Screw society that says you have to have a sex life right after a baby ...... a baby is a big deal, a big big big deal. Changes everything and those that they it doesn't are big fat lairs xxx
...............................
|
