A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been going back and forth in my head about whether I need to move on or stay in my marriage. I can't seem to make a decision, and I go from one extreme to another. One day, I may think about getting my own place, how nice it would be, and then I feel content in my marriage for a little while. Is it normal to have swings in my feelings like this? How can I decide what to do? Tonight I don't even want to talk to him or do anything, and the thought of sex with him makes my skin crawl.We have a 5 year old daughter together, which definitely complicates the issue. This is probably the reason I have stayed with him. If it weren't for her, I feel that I would have left him years ago. When she was a baby, he did not help very much with her, and his excuse was that "he worked 12 hour days". My response to that was "well, I'm working 24 hours!". He is talking to me about having another baby, but I do not want to go through the same experience as before. I do not think he will be very helpful, or patient with another baby. And, then it would be even harder to leave him.What do I do? Is there a way to figure out what is best for me, and also least damaging for my daughter?
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (15 February 2010):
 Get some couples therapy from a professional. You sound bitter. I don't know much about your marriage but it sounds like your resentment has peaked and issues that should have been dealt with have been festering. Maybe it's justified and maybe it's not. Maybe you should have got out more when the baby was young. Maybe you and your husband should have got a babysitter and had "dates" to maintain the romance. This is a common problem peole create without even knowing it. It sounds like you've become resentful. I'm a father too so I know a little about kids. Let's be honest, your husband says he was working 12 hours a day. That is often one of those blanket statements that means he worked a lot. Just as you say you were working 24 hours a day with the baby. The truth is babies sleep. So you also slept. Did he work 12 hours a day to maintain the financial end of things? Only you know. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle of all this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): It is a big step and once you have done the deal going back is often not an option. However, it sounds to me like you have already made up your mind but are just too scared to actually take the big step out into the big wide world of single parenting! You will find that as long as you are happy your child will be happy.
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