A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for almost 5 years. We both have two kinds, 2 year and half (twins). I am very frustrated about my marital relationship because day by day, I found myself and my husband becomes far away and away from each other despite we sleep in the same bed. We have never shared affectionate touches, holdings, kissing or feelings and we have sex maybe twice a month. I am so lonely. I have found no one that I feel most comfortable to disclose this dissatisfaction life even my mum or my close friends, because I am convinced by an idea that life is not perfect and a marital life is a compromise. About a year ago, I had an honest talk with him to find a way to secure our relationship, but by the end, we came to admit that we have chosen a wrong person to share life with. He said that 'he feel regret to marry me, and he would leave me if relationship remains the same as nowadays, but not now, maybe when the children growth up'. In fact, I don't also want to stay with this terrible relationship anymore. We have different view on many things. I want to divorce because I can't stay with a man who spends much of his time for his own interest, and has never talked about the future plan. He like doing an easy things and I found him helpless to me. The time that I was very busy with my work, he made a lot of complaints and when I asked him 'will you help me? he said that 'no way'. I tried many times to convince him to sit down and discuss about the future plan for better education of our children, but no matter how much I did, I failed. How could I do? I have no love for him anymore, but I feel reluctant to ask him for divorce. I prefer to be left rather than I leave him because my children love him very much. So does he. He does the best for children and have much care of them either physical or mental development because he is a psychologist. I do not want to see my children experiencing lonely life like me. By the way I would feel guilty to my children for leaving them fatherless. Waiting to hear your kind advice.
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female
reader, Moon13  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Listen to Nandos17, I agree with 100%. Children need to be raised in a home where love is shown between two parents. And sometimes in life it is better to live with divorced parents than to live with parents that don't love each other at all.
A
male
reader, Neboraic  +, writes (17 February 2010):
You are right to not want to leave the children fatherless. Could you not just stay married and think of him as a room mate or a brother rather than a husband. Since you dont love himm and dont want anything from him, he cant hurt or dissapoint you. And your feeling of lonliness wont be any better without him, you should deal with that by calling old friends and family or by making new friends.
Also, you should try to be positive about your situation. It is sad there is no love there, but there are good parts to your situation. You have someone who helps with the children, dealing with the lonliness and finding another man is achievable.
You could also try to be friends with your husband, back to the way is was when you met. As long as you expect want anything from him, you wont be disappointed.
Also talk to people about this situation, keeping quiet keeps you feeling alone.
There are plenty of problems on this site with no hope, this is not one of them.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Nandos17 +, writes (17 February 2010):
 From someone whos parents are in the process of getting a divorce, I would've preferred my parents to have divorced before rather than leave it as late as they have. My reasons are listed as:
1. If you don't love someone you can't force it out. It would be wrong to put your children through a follow family life where its just for their sake and not for actual love. Because of my parents doing exactly that, I can't express love properly to other people - notably my boyfriend - because I don't really know how.
2. Your children are 2 and a half. If your husband really does care about their mental and physical wellbeing - which I believe he does - then he'll make sure that they are loved and that they have both a father and a mother there for them. As long as they feel loved, thats the only thing that matters. Because of their age, they will grow up not only knowing that their parents love them, but that you won't be forced to divorce him at a time where it might not be good for them - i.e. educational pressures and their teenage years. Now is the best time for them.
I'm assuming that you have gone through trying to save the relationship through not only talking but marriage councilling. If you express how you feel to your husband maybe something can be salvaged. Though as I have said, you can't force love. Don't be forced into a relationship you don't want to be in. After a difficult few months, both your husband and you will find other partners and you'll be happy.
And so will your twins, as long as they know they are loved.
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