A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys! You have helped me out a lot in the past so I am back again for some advice. I got out of a LTR in October last year and (I know it sounds bad but...) I hooked up with someone I had befriended from work fairly quickly, I recall it was about 3 weeks later. Mentally I had been ready to leave my ex for a long time because he was a liar, a cheater and he was controlling, as I grew up I realised I had control over my life rather than him.Me and this new guy have been together for almost 4 months now and everything is great. He's very down to earth and likes to do his own thing, which I have no problem with at all. Obviously there are still repercussions from my last terrible relationship i.e. paranoia and copious amounts of insecurity but I try to ignore these feelings because I know it's not fair to bring them into a new relationship. He is not a cheat, or a liar, he spoils me, I spoil him, we respect each other, we can talk for hours, we make each other laugh, and it works really well. My only concern is that we have never had an argument, not even once. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing! Neither of us are the argumentative type at all and we respect each other's opinions. Do you think it's unhealthy not to argue at all? I'm curious to hear your answers!
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female
reader, Sweetheartxo +, writes (18 March 2013):
Hey stop worrying! This sounds wonderful and a breath of fresh air, soemtimes in life you find someone who likes everything you do and its wonderful, i honestly believe its just the person you end up with, my boyfriend and i dont agree on everything, we're seperate people after all but at the same time we have so much in common!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 I'd say it's pretty normal, in fact I'd find the opposite strange, that in less than 4 months there would have been already arguments and squabbles.
Contrary to popular believe, a high level of conflictuality is not a good thing, it may make perhaps things spicier, more interesting and more passionate, but it's also one of the major predictors of your chance to divorce ( at least according to an in depth study by Rutgers University ). Couples that stay together do NOT fight much, almost never, in fact.
Of course, all with a pinch of salt.. It depends what you mean by " difference of opinions ". If you mean something like " What are we going to cook tonight ? I want chicken, no I prefer pasta ", well, it would be just weird if you were ALWAYS in agreement on absolutely everything. But I don't think that not wanting to eat the same food or watch the same movie or stay up till the same hour really qualifies as a difference of opinion, if not from a very literal point of view.
Unless - SVC raises a good pont here - if the peace is kept artificially by either one tiptoeing around each other , and staying accurately away from certain " taboo " subjects that they KNOW would bring to disagreement. Compatible partners do not fight a lot because they get along in general - yet they are not afraid to bring up something that bothers them, least they should hurt the other person's susceptibility.
But if this is not the case , then yes, it is normal, as strange as it sounds... there's also a lot of people who like each other AND manage to get along at the same time !
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (18 March 2013):
 As long as you both talk to each other about the things that really matter to you then there's nothing odd about not arguing at all.
Some people are just not argumentative people, and if you get two of those in a relationship then you won't get many arguments, if any.
Much better to be like that than to row!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 it's great that you have not had a disagreement yet.
The question is are you avoiding talking about things that upset you? if you are, then talk to him about it.
Do not avoid topics and issues that may lead to disagreements...
as long as you are not pushing things aside that need to be discussed it's not a bad thing at all that you have not had a fight...
but it's very very early in the relationship yet... still the honeymoon period... folks are still on their best behavior at 4 months.
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A
female
reader, orchidkid +, writes (18 March 2013):
 Believe it or not, I was in a very similar situation. Only reason-my friends told me that if we don't ever argue it's not real. So I freaked out and openly told my (then)boyfriend that I want to argue with him badly, becouse it has to be done in every rlationship...Now it sounds so funny to me. We had a great connection and arguments weren't needed back at the time.From what you post it seems you also have a great connection, just becouse you felt insecure and had to stress out with your ex does not mean it's normal and that you should go through the same traume this time. If arguments come into this relationship, they'll come in their own time, but from what you wrote I have a feeling that it will be the mature and understanding kind of talk rather that throwing fists and curses at each other.I thing you should talk about you insecurities, doubts and post-trauma with your boy. Don't run away from it. It's not dragging it into the relationship and really, you won't avoid it. It seems that the trauma from your ex is still in your heart and mind and you may hide it for now but it may cause problems in the future. You and your boyfriend seem to really have a spiritual bond, why not trust him and let out your demons? Once you open up with your biggest fears, they'll be gone and it will be easier on you.Best of luck!
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