A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is a loving, amazing guy. He stood with me when my life was falling apart and never lets me down. Except when he makes plans.He plans fantastic dates or meetings with friends, and they're awesome indeed. IF HE SHOWS UP.I've lost count of the times he just doesn't show up, so I actually started writing it down on my agenda. So far, he was MIA two nights, a morning and two afternoons - just this week.It has happened that he plans a date with me and doesn't show (not so often tho), but the main problem is when he tells me he'll stop by or meet me and my friend at a coffee shop and then just disappears. So I stay wherever I am for two hours waiting for him.Today, for example, he had planned to go out with two friends of ours, because they're looking for a job and my boyfriend knows some people that work in a huge mall. And guess what? He didn't show up.He usually tells me he oversleeps. Actually, I do understand that this time he may have overslept, because we spend the night watching movies, but then again, I slept for less than an hour too, got up at 6am and went to a 4 hours lab college class!What should I do? I've come to a point where, if I am going to meet him, I take to-do college work just in case he doesn't show up! Also, I try my best to be on time, every time! I may sometimes be 5-10 minutes late, but even then I text people saying I am getting there.When I try to get mad when he disappears, he gets angry because he is very tired of work and just needed to sleep. But I mean.. He's a grown man, he needs to suck it up, drink a cup of coffee and get his crap together!If it was just with me, I'd assume he was just tired of being with me, but apparently, he does this with everyone! So why does he do this? Everybody likes him, I love him dearly, but why does he act this way? Maybe he just doesn't feel like going where he said he'd go anymore and pretends he overslept? I have done that (I think everyone already did that once) but I gave an excuse, like being sick or something!Also, have you ever been in a situation like this (with a SO, a friend, family)? What happened?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (19 March 2013):
He sounds like someone who SAYS one thing and DOES another.
Never measure people by what they SAY, measure them by what they DO.
Proceed accordingly.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 March 2013):
 If he has stood you up without warning or contact more than once, it’s a problem.
He had plans with friends and he stood them up, so it’s not just you. IT sounds like he’s scattered and not well organized.
If he’s oversleeping, and sleeping through his alarm, then he needs a better alarm. IF when he does finally wake up he needs to be calling and apologizing ASAP… ignoring his bad behavior is not acceptable by anyone.
WHAT should YOU do? Well there is not much YOU can do to make him a grown up. And that’s what grown-ups do. They meet their obligations. They keep their word. They are responsible enough to make sure they get enough rest and do what they said they would do.
You say “when I try to get mad” what do you mean when you TRY. Either you are mad or you are not. Personally I would not accept him turning the tables and getting angry with me because of his bad behavior.
If you are willing to put up with this childishness you need to lay down new rules and stick to them.
1. If you make plans and he is late by more than 15 minutes, you should leave and get on with your day and your plans without him.
2. If he does not apologize for missing dates etc, consider ending the relationship… his behavior will not get better. My husband is nearly 40 and he can outsleep the youngest baby. We are often late to things (like appointments) due to his inability to manage time. I’ve been known to take my own car and leave him because I do not wish to be late for things.
...............................
|
