A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,So here's my story, My ex broke up with me last year. Our relationship only lasted for almost 1 month. The reason is that because our "relationship" is too distracting. She hardly focus on her studies and that she had many failing grades. She said that she's sorry and that after she would get back at her feet, she would come back to me. So I said that it's okay, that I would be waiting for her until that happens. The idea felt good at that time, then a rumor came that she broke up with me just to get in a relationship with another guy. I was so furious at that time, I took off and almost started a fight with that guy. But my friends told me that it was just a joke. Apparently, one of them has a secret crush on me and that she was jealous of my ex. Weeks later after that incident, she started making her move but then again I started ignoring her. I don't know what came over me but I just kept ignoring her. I really want us to get back together but I don't know what happened. It lasted for weeks that I kept ignoring her and came the day that she started to stop.After days of thinking, I realize that I really miss her, I want her, that there's nothing I need more. I regret ignoring her these past few months. I wish I could take it all back. But it already happened.Is it too late to start making my move on her? And how? What really happened back then? Why did I ignore her when she's ? I really need advice right now.Thanks 4 your help in advance (-_-)
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 March 2013):
 Your post here is definitely one of those "read between the lines" posts, where it's better for me to respond to the feel of what you said more than just the words and the events.
Listen -- no girl who truly is in wild crazy love to a guy will ever break up using grades as an excuse.
I can tell by your posts -- you are clingy, smothery, high-maintenance, and oblivious to that fact. The relationship ended after a month, and you refer to her as an ex, want to fight a guy because of a rumor, and do the whole ignore thing when she shows interest again. You require a lot of time and reassurance and you get offended way too easily.
Your ex did have feelings for you, but you drained her by your clinginess, obsessiveness, and your constant neediness. When the relationship ended, the drain on her resources stopped, allowing the feelings to re-emerge, which is why she thought of you again, and why she didn't close the door permanently on you the first time.
Here's what you do. You can re-start things with her, but take is really slow. Don't call every single day. Don't consider it an insult if you can't pull her away from her studies to pay attention to you. Don't constantly test her to see how she really feels. Don't get huffy if she has plans or needs to study. Don't make those kinds of demands.
Let the relationship grow organically. Let it breathe. Give her the space to hunger for you. Don't always text constantly, or call 16 times per day, or demand instant response. A fire needs fuel AND oxygen. You are all fuel and no air!
Remember, your insecurities are not her responsibility to reassure and smooth your feathers. It's not an ego thing to pull her away from studies, or friends, or plans. No clinginess whatsoever, and no neediness either! You are an entire person. And take your time before saying "I love you". I once broke up with a guy after 2 months because he smothered me, started talking about love AND MARRIAGE within a month's time! It was way too needy and clingy.
A
female
reader, orchidkid  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 I second what iAmHereToHelpYou said. When any rumor appears you should confirm it first before taking actions. And a month isn't really a long time, though you got a chance to know the person a little better.Now, sometimes we want to know "how coud it have been" so we try and speed things up just to get back where we ended up...I've been there myself. That's not actually a good move. Maybe the girl though you're not interested anymore and lost her confidence?My advice for you is to take her for a walk or for some tee/coffee/etc, someplece nice and talk. You know, let it be a 'no strins attached' date. Just to talk and see if she is still interested, and show her you are. Ask her straight out if she wants to give it another shot if you need to. Now this is something you need to do on your own, outside of school, without the help of her friends our yours. Just you and her.And be confident in yourself. You once tried going out so why wouldn't it work this time?Best of luck to you!
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