A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Missing my ex, and trying to remain friends....My bf and I broke up almost 3 months ago. He is the nicest man I have ever dated. He is going through a lot of family problems, and, I think he just couldn't deal with both the drama at his family, and trying to maintain a relationship. Our relationship became mainly just the both of us working hard, two different shifts, no dating, and it devolved into no romance. I only want the best for him, and we both admitted that our differences were too great to maintain a ltr (I find that he encourages me so much, but he sees any advice I give as critical, and he never really acknowledges that I know anything, though he often asks me for help. I feel like I am so enriched from knowing him, but I don't think he could say the same about me). We were together over a year, and were together during very difficult times in his life. We often argued because I did not agree with the way his family treated him. We had a very big argument because if how his family treats him, and because there were problems at times with him maintaining his agreements while we lived together.I feel bad because I feel like he is still having some difficult times with his family, and while I tried to be supportive, even though most of the bf/gf aspects of our relationship weren't there (he worked a lot, I worked a lot, major health issues in his family, etc.), I feel like I just wasn't supportive enough. He is doing better at his new place and I am happy that he is doing better, and I feel bad that when we lived together, he wasn't very happy.My bf makes comments a lot about just trying to get away from everything--his family makes a lot of demands on his time and finances, and I do think that he is stressed out a bit. I worry about him a lot and just want him to be happy. It hurts that he says he wants to get away from everyone, me included. I feel like maybe if I were nicer or better, he wouldn't see me the way he sees everyone else in his life. Maybe I am just thinking too highly of myself?We still text often, but it is hard at times because he seems to be pulling away more and more, and, while we agree to always be good friends, I just feel like he is trying to distance himself from me.I realize that maybe we were too different to be right for each other for marriage, but it still hurts when he doesn't text like he used to. He barely even wants to talk on the phone. I feel like maybe the more I contact him, he may worry that I think we are going to get back together. I don't. It is just that we only talked for a little bit when we broke up (he had a family responsibility, so we couldn't talk much), and since then, we haven't talked face to face.I feel like maybe I could have been more supportive. I am upset at myself for maybe criticizing how his family treats him.I do realize, rationally, that until we both worked on our issues, we wouldn't be good for each other.I will always care about my ex on the most deepest level and I want him to be happy. It is weird thinking that there may be a point when we only text every now and then. Is that weird or normal at this stage after a breakup?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. :)
I think in some ways you are right. I do realize that we are broken up, and I have even gone on a few lackluster dates. I guess what feels weird is that I felt we became so close that it felt like almost, well, family. So, to suddenly not have that same level of contact is hard. When we were together, we talked every day, some kind of way.
You are right, though. I don't talk every day with my family or even my longest friends. And I don't want to make him any more stressed than he is. I am happy that he is doing better where he is now, it is just hard to not take it personally, as I tried everything I could to make my home welcoming and relaxing for him.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 That's because in your heart he's not your ex yet. You have not quite accepted your loss so you can't move on. When you'll be ready to start moving on, you will realize that is the most normal thing for two people who split up just to keep contact very occasionally.
Now your ex wants space- give him space. Don't take it personally, as if you had done something wrong. Most probably it has got nothing to do with you, and even if it had, it's not by clinging to him nails and teeth that you are helping him being happier, if you really care about him being happy.
It does not mean you can't ever talk to him again. Just give him a breather right now, because he gave all the indications of wanting one.
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