A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How often do you masturbate to thoughts of people that are not your girlfriend/boyfriend and when does this become abnormal? Is it normal to fantasize about other people when you are having sex with your bf? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (14 August 2011):
(I posted again because my thumb slipped and accidentally clicked my laptop mouse before I could finish typing)I firmly believe that the one undeniable right we have is the right to our own thoughts. When someone tries to take that from you (no one can, actually, but people do try), watch out! Its unfortunate that mother nature didn't program us so that when we got together with someone and bonded that we would cease to have any sexual thoughts about anyone else or find anyone else attractive.This is strictly between you and your own conscience. I think a good guideline is that if its just a fantasy, fine. But if you find yourself taking action on this fantasy in the real world with your target of affection (other than your significant other) even in small steps like buying gifts for them, touching them, mild flirtations, etc then you got a problem.Try this: think about killing someone. Think about burning down a building. Actually, whether you want to or not, just my writing this and you reading it puts the thought into your head. Should you go to jail for these crimes you committed in your head? Absolutely not!When you consider how over-sexually stimulated our society is, its almost impossible not to have sexual thoughts about others. And what arouses sexual thoughts more than having sex?Its actions that determine our morality, not thoughts. And anyone who tries to control your mind has to go. The worst girlfriend I ever had constantly made me wrong for even the slightest thought of anyone else or even if I looked at anyone else and said "you BETTER not be thinking of anyone else but me".Guess what? This girl was cheating on me.On the other side, I had a wonderful lover who never directly adressed me on it but said "When we have sex you are thinking about women's boobs" and I forget the context of that comment, but it was a hint that she was not worried about what went on in my mind during sex. This woman you could say was secure in our relationship and secure with herself.Unless you are yelling out someone elses name during sex, only the most controlling, manipulative person will try to make you feel guilty about this one. Most people know better not to even ask.A don't ask don't tell policy is best on this one.In your heart of hearts, would you rather (in real life) be with this person you are fantasizing about? If so, that is a different story, and really a different problem entirely.Lastly, if you want to "cure" yourself of this and just for your own peace of mind, just put your attention more and more on your partner in real life and if thoughts of others slip in here and there just move your attention back and for heaven's sake don't beat yourself up about any of this.
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (14 August 2011):
I firmly believe that the one undeniable right we have is the right to our own thoughts.Its unfortunate that mother nature didn't program us so that when we got together with someone and bonded that we would cease to have any sexual thoughts about anyone else or find anyone else attractive.This is strictly between you and your own conscience. I think a good guideline is that if its just a fantasy, fine. But if you find yourself taking action on this fantasy in the real world with your target of affection (other than your significant other) even in small steps like buying gifts for them, touching them, mild flirtations, etc then you got a problem.Its actions that determine our morality, not thoughts. And anyone who tries to control your mind has to go. The worst girlfriend I ever had constantly made me wrong for even the slightest thought of anyone else or even if I looked at anyone else and said "you BETTER not be thinking of anyone else but me
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (24 December 2009):
 It's not abnormal and I'm sure we've all done this occasionally but I think it's a little disrespectful to think of someone else while having sex (if you're in a relationship). I mean how would you feel if you knew he was thinking about someone else while having sex with you? It's normal to occasionally wander, I just would make an effort to enjoy your partner.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 December 2009):
Perfectly normal. Don't worry about it. Just never act on the fantasy.
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A
female
reader, Mintkiss +, writes (23 December 2009):
 Absolutely not! It's totally normal to think about other people while masturbating. Honestly, some people fantasize about other people during sex just to orgasm for their partner. It's very normal for you to think about someone else. I don't have much "straight facts" about it but if you read around the internet, you will find that it isn't something that you should feel guilty about.
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