A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and he treats me really well. Im 21 and he is 25. The only problem is that i sometimes dream and think about having sex with other men, i really dont know why this is. We have a healthy sex life so its not like im not getting sex so have to try and get it else were. Just very confused about these emotions as its making me feel really bad...is this normal?
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female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (8 September 2008):
 As long as it's the past and the past stays in the past. As long as you are not thinking these thoughts while you are having sex with your boyfriend. If you are, or visualise your ex so you can handle it, or some kind of thing along those lines, then it's not on.
Otherwise fantasies and attraction is one thing as long as you don't act on it.
Do bear in mind that we can be attracted to different types of guys at different points in life. It woudln't do to be attracted to the same people or go for somebody you know is wrong for you based on past experiences. I don't know about your ex(es) but I am just giving general observations.
As long as you feel your relationship is solid. I am not sure how long you have been together. But relationships do take a different form over time. So whatever you do, don't confuse that with not loving each-other any more.
Fiona.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 September 2008):
 "Normal" is a tricky word to define. Let's not use it. These kind of things come to all women's minds. You still have eyes and sex drive and you can find other men attractive as well. If you don't act on that, I think it's safe to say that nothing is the matter.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 September 2008):
Nah!
You just need some variety in your head. You dream up all kinds of things that would never ever happen in real life because in pretend fantasy land they are sexy.
If you are just dreaming about them for fun while on your own then you are fine.
The only time you are going to have a problem is if you CAN'T fantasise about him at all as you don't find him sexy, or if you do it during sex with him and yell out the wrong name.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (4 September 2008):
 Do you have these fantasies while you're alone or wilst you're having sex with your boyfriend?
If it's the latter, then it might become a problem eventually as you might start comparng your current boyfrien with your ex. If this happens, try to think of something else if you can
But it's the first one, you gotta remember that fantasizing has it's name for a reason.
It's all make believe. Probably you had a great sex life with your ex too and can't help remembering it. Just don't act on it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSometimes about the ex.....sometimes fantasy i feel really bad for doing it tho...does it mean the relationship is in trouble!
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (3 September 2008):
Are these thoughts your memories from past encounters, or a one night stand or something? Or is it a fantasy of getting attention?
Fiona.
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