A
male
age
41-50,
*ticcs1
writes:My sister is dating this guy and he moved in with her about 6 months ago. they have been together 13 months. they are getting married in 1 week. my problem is this: He goes everywhere with her. he doesnt work nor does she. she goes to school. but he has to be with her everywhere she goes. they live with my wife and I. we are older. they are both 20 years old. is this normal behavior for a guy? to have to follow or be with her every waking moment? and when i say every waking moment im not exagurating at all.
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (2 May 2012):
It doesn’t sound like a very healthy relationship. Does she want him with her all the time? Are you unhappy that they spend all their time together because, quite rightly, you think it’s important to have a bit of space and independence in a healthy relationship, or do you think this boyfriend is controlling or jealous and that your sister’s not happy about the situation?I think that the only thing you can do is try to encourage your sister to do things on her own: meet up with her friends, for example. Try asking her if her boyfriend never wants to have any time to himself, see what she says. That might give some indication as to why they spend so much time together. A less subtle approach, but one that is necessary if you’re really worried, is simply to confront her. Tell her you’ve noted that they are never apart, and ask her if she’d ever like to have a bit of space and independence, and ask her why she answers in whatever way she does. Tell her you’re just looking out for her, not trying to judge, and that you’re there for her. It will need tact, and there’s a risk that she could get upset, but if this bothers you, you’ve a right to ask since they’re living with you and your wife. At least it might pave the way for her to open up a bit later on, in the event that there are problems she might like to share. And if there aren't, then your mind can be put at rest. If she's happy with it, at least she is indeed happy, whatever you might think of the time they spend together.I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): definitely not normal or healthy.My parents used to be like that. We immigrated to the US from another country when I was a kid and for the first 2 years my dad could not be by himself without my mom for even a few minutes. if we went out to the grocery and she was standing in the checkout line he had to stand there with her. If she wanted to go get another item he would not wait in the checkout line while she left he would have to follow her (and leave me to wait there in the checkout line to hold the place). Numerous other examples. He could not wait in the car while she went into the bank - he had to go in with her. eventually, I and other family members told them this was very unhealthy. it took a few more years before he stopped being so dependent on my mom and made some friends of his own but even to this day he is kinda dependent on her still and they don't have separate hobbies or anything and you can't just go out with one of them you have to go out with both of them even if one of them doesn't really like the activity involved (like going to an art gallery or going shoe shopping for example). I think as a result of this I have become very independent in my relationships, total opposite of them.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (1 May 2012):
 This is wrong on so many levels. They are only 20, but the writing is already on the wall as far as I'm concerned. It's not her, it's him. He sounds exceedingly insecure. He needs to let go, allow her a little space to grow as a person, and she probably needs to do a little of the same.
What happens when she leaves school, or gets a job? Is he going to follow her there too?
Sounds creepy.
Put your foot down, but do so without upsetting your little sister. If you can put up with being alone with him in the house, get your wife to do small things, like take her shopping WITHOUT him, take her to the hairdressers, get her make up done, you know, girly things where he would not feel too comfortable, while he can earn his keep by doing maintenance stuff around the house, or in the garden.
Try it. At the end of the day, they'd have something to talk about!
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (1 May 2012):
 Its not normally for any relationship for the 2 to be together 24/7 as it isn't healthy and can course arguemeants a lot..
But really this has nothing to do with you as long as they are happy with eachother then stay out of it. They may like to be together all the time..
Sounds to me like you are a little jelouse of what they have :) sorry only telling my point of view
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 What's funny is - how they are getting married if neither of the two has a job. Who pays the bills?
Well, I suspect they have "reliable" families. (wink)
About your question - no, it's not really OK to be together 24/7. This should tone down in time. It's generally typical of teens or people in first relationships, or that don't have much else to do, e.g. unemployed, not an awful lot of friends, etc. Maybe the two pigeons are very in love and don't have eyes for anything else.
But it is generally desirable to have a social life outside the couple, too, it's a healthy habit for the relationship - when you DO come together it gives you something to talk about, among other factors.
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