A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with my man for nearly 7 years now and we are due to get married in another year.I love him a lot and we have great sex.But for most of our relationship I have found myself repeatedly tempted by other men. I have never actually cheated on him of course or even crossed any boundaries but I have had inappropriate thoughts about other men. Cute guys hit on me or flirt with me fairly often and I find my heart racing and my body getting excited, and I feel very aroused, sometimes even just a slight touch on my arm from an attractive man can make me feel... wow. I feel bad about these impulses I have- I feel like I want to be with all of these guys, but I know that I can't, and of course one night in bed with a hot man is not worth throwing away an entire lifetime with my soulmate. But the urges are always there no matter how happy I am with my fiance. Is this normal or is it a sign that something is wrong?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, riv  +, writes (15 May 2010):
I think you would be absolutely mad to get married to this man before you have explored sex with others.
You have been in a 7 year exclusive relationship with one person since you were a teenager : I just think that is a terrible foundation for an intended exclusive marriage.
If I were in your shoes I would have a frank discussion with him and just tell him outright that you need to experience sex and maybe even relationships with other men before settling down.
It's what most people do after all; ( can you be really really sure that he has never been with other women during the 7 years ? If he is a normal hetero male my guess would be he has but ok I don't know him. )
If neither of you has had other relationships or even sexual experiences now is the time to do it well before marriage.
If not the longing will just increase and increase and eventually the animal need WILL just take over - possibly disastrously if by then you have children.
Ask him if he is willing to consider an 'open' relationship for a year or two whereby you can both have sex with others, whether casual or otherwise ( of course only ever with condoms ).
If he is not then maybe you need to unilaterally break off with him and enjoy experiences with at least 3 or 4 men if not more before you truly settle down and exchange the vows.
Until you try them how do you know one of these other men that are coming on to you might not be even more suitable as a lifetime soulmate as well as horny bed-partner ?
And if they are coming on to you as frequently as you suggest it is pretty certain this is because you are giving off vibes and pheromones to the effect that you WANT to be come on to.
So bottom line: go with the animal biological needs for a year or two before thinking of marriage. [ After he gets over the shock of you telling him yr bf will prob enjoy the idea and the reality at least as much as you.... ]
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): It is normal to have fantasies, everyone looks, and it is fine as long at it stays at that way. The only thing that I would say to think about is, when you are planing to marry someone, they alone should rock your world. Ask yourself is he ticking all the boxes.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 May 2010):
You're normal. Everyone enjoys knowing that someone finds them attractive, and everyone enjoys looking at attractive people. It's whether we act on that knowledge. A fantasy is a fantasy, and that's it. Keep them to yourself, and don't act upon them.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 After reading your post I feel relaxed, as my personal conclusion is getting support. It is said that male feel female's body as stimuli in very generous context, where as female, contrary to male, has no such tendency. My conclusion is that female must not be special in sexual matter, because 'mind' cannot be classified as female and male mind, because mind is not specific organ, like male and female body has specific organ. Philosophically, sex pleasure is located in mind and body is something which give form or expression. Body is classified as female body and male body, but not mind. Mind has no 'race'.
thanks and congratulation for giving expression to some universal truth.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 Its normal, just enjoy it. Fantasies are great, but only if they stay fantasies.
Everyone looks at who they find attractive from time to time. I mess around with most of the girls I work with. Its all just a laugh.
Just make sure you don't act on it or let it go too far, that's how allot of people ruin their lives
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